Updates
A chronological view of all updates and changes to tender.garden.
October 1, 2026
2 updates
Visualization
Visualization means seeing something in our inner eye, although it doesn't necessarily need to be a mental image. Each of our senses can potentially visualize, both individually as well as together. In light work practices, visualization is used to envision something that has not manifested in the material realm yet.
Intention
An intention is the motivation behind an action. Doing something with intention means being more present while doing it. In light work practices, the practice of setting an intention is also often used.
September 15, 2026
5 updates
Book: The Big Leap
In The Big Leap, Gay Hendricks introduces the Upper Limit Problem and shows how we can move past it. "Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure." Gay Hendricks lists 4 barriers that are causing the upper limit problem to be triggered. "If you have a deep, old feeling that there's something wrong, bad, or flawed about you, you will find yourself grappling with that issue every time you break through to greater love and financial abundance." "This thought creates cognitive dissonance, the mind rattle that occurs when you try to hold two opposing thoughts at the same time: Given that I am fundamentally flawed (or wrong or bad), how can I possibly be this happy, rich, and creative?" "The cognitive dissonance must be resolved in one of two ways: by returning to your previous thermostat setting; or by letting go of the old, limiting belief, which allows you to stabilize at the new, higher level." "You're likely to feel, at a deep and unconscious level, that your quest for a life of your own and success on your own terms has come at the cost of leaving behind your roots and being disloyal to those who loved you."
Ultimate Success Mantra
The Ultimate Success Mantra is a mantra that was developed by Gay Hendricks and presented in his book The Big Leap. It is designed to be an antidote to the Upper Limit Problem. "I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same."
Experimenting with the Ultimate Success Mantra
I sit down and meditate for 15 minutes. This time, instead of just following my breath, I repeat a sentence in my mind that Gay Hendricks calls the Ultimate Success Mantra in his book The Big Leap. "I expand in abundance, success, and love every day, as I inspire those around me to do the same." When I breathe in, I think: "I expand in abundance, success, and love every day." I focus on my chest area and visualize it being filled with a sphere of bright light. I see beautiful moments in front of me when I think about what each of the words abundance, success, and love means to me. I breathe out to "As I inspire those around me to do the same." The light in my chest radiates outward and fills my whole body and beyond. <Image src="/img/ultimate-success-mantra.png" width="1060" height="1280" size="large"
Mantra
A mantra is a sound, word, or phrase that is repeated over and over through humming, speaking, chanting, or singing. There are different ways to work with a mantra: - Many spiritual lineages work with mantras that come from long traditions and carry a lot of meaning in them. See examples below. - You can also craft your own mantra by choosing an affirmation that you would like to focus your mind on. "The word 'mantra' means 'mind-protecting.' A mantra is something that protects the mind from itself, really, by giving it some fodder other than the thinking process." – Ram Dass in Paths to God "As you chant, start to surrender into it, start to offer up all of your other thoughts as sacrifice into it." – Ram Dass in Paths to God - Om Mani Padme Hum - Om Ami Dewa Hrih
Upper Limit Problem
The Upper Limit Problem describes the tendency to unconsciously sabotage ourselves when we surpass a familiar level of success, happiness, or love. Rooted in internalized beliefs and fears, it limits our capacity to grow, like an internal ceiling. Overcoming it means expanding our ability to receive and sustain well-being without self-sabotage. The term Upper Limit Problem was coined by psychologist and author Gay Hendricks. "Each of us has an inner thermostat setting that determines how much love, success, and creativity we allow ourselves to enjoy. When we exceed our inner thermostat setting, we will often do something to sabotage ourselves, causing us to drop back into the old, familiar zone where we feel secure." – Gay Hendricks in The Big Leap - Impostor syndrome - Fear of outshining When we're getting too focused on raising our upper limit, it can happen that we fall into the trap of the Arrival Fallacy. When we focus too much on a vague sense of expansion that we think will allow us to be happy in the future, we can forget that raising the upper limit is supposed to allow us to live life fully in the present moment. As above so below: just as individuals hit an inner ceiling on how much joy, success, or peace they allow, collectives (and the human organism as a whole) can unconsciously limit how much well-being or transformation they believe is possible. When systemic breakthroughs arise toward justice, healing, or liberation, they often meet resistance not just from external forces, but from within the collective psyche. This may show up as backlash, polarization, or a retreat into the familiar.
September 11, 2026
2 updates
Repair
Repair is the process of rebuilding and deepening trust after rupture has happened. It can involve: - Holding space for the pain - Building compassion for each other and the situation - Apologizing with sincerity - Suggesting ways how to handle situations like this in the future In conflict, we can both work on our individual healing, but without repair our bond isn't strengthened. There is not always capacity for repair, and that's okay. However, how repair was done in past situations is a key factor in how safe we feel in showing ourselves vulnerable now. A commitment to repair not only involves taking responsibility for the pain our behavior has caused. It is also necessary to bring up situations where we were hurt by others, even if we fear feeling rejected and invalidated. - Have my requests for repair been valued and taken seriously?
Attention
Attention is power. Where do we direct our attention? Who do we give it to? External attention (like feeling desired, admired...) can lead to spiritual ego. It's important to not confuse this type of attention with connection. Attention is a near enemy of love. "What you pay attention to grows." – adrienne maree brown in Emergent Strategy "The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." – ThÃch Nhất Hạnh - Flashlight of Awareness - Gratitude Journaling
September 10, 2026
2 updates
Being witnessed
I'm on a call with my dad. Suddenly, it breaks out of me. I tell him how heavy my care job feels to me right how, how much I'm struggling with the responsibility. I start crying and it feels like coming from very deep down. So much frustration, sadness and powerlessness that I've been carrying and trying to deal with on my own. It feels good to be listened to. It feels good to be held by him. It feels good to be witnessed in a moment of despair. This moment 3 weeks ago felt very big, both for myself as well as for the relationship with my dad. It feels like some barrier was broken through, opening up space for more positive energy in my life. When I remember these raw emotions coming out of me, I see a very bright light bursting out of my chest. As if something was set free.
Holding Space
Holding space means being present when someone shares their inner world with us. Energy and emotions that someone has been holding onto can be released when they're being witnessed by others. When we're in the role of the space holder, it's important to ask ourselves if we have the capacity for raw emotional sharing at this moment. Our mental state strongly affects our boundaries and capacity to witness others in a non-judgmental way. With practice, we can offer a container that leads to direct transmutation without us taking in too much ourselves. If we end up soaking in some heavy emotions, it is recommended to do something grounding after the listening.
September 9, 2026
2 updates
Creation is Grounding
When I think of grounding, I usually think of moving excess energy through the body and then sending it into the Earth. While this is a helpful image and meditation, it can also feel a bit abstract and limiting. When I'm really in my head and scattered, this visualization just isn't doing it for me. I realized that what helps getting things out of my head is literally bringing them into the material world. Even small steps can come with big relief: when I have a lot of recurring thoughts, just writing them down, drawing them, or recording a voice memo can be a great outlet. Thoughts I had taken very seriously often feel way smaller and more manageable shortly after letting them out of my head. It makes a lot of sense that this can be grounding. When we're creating, we're literally moving energy from the spiritual plane (inspiration, ideas, thoughts) through our bodies into the material plane. There is something else that goes beyond just creating, though. Making something and sharing it with the world. I've done a lot of writing and drawing this year, but I rarely shared it with anyone. A few weeks ago I realized how much my inner creator is craving to let the energy out and share it with others. This is a significant shift in my thinking (similar to my experience turning my shield into a transformer). I've tried so much to let out excess energy quietly that I saw it mainly as something negative, as a burden, instead of a gift. Now, instead of trying to push energy out because I don't want it anymore, I'm trying to become more excited for the energy I hold, because I can transform it into something meaningful and share it with the world. <Image src="/img/the-magician-tarot.jpg"
Grounding
Grounding means connecting more with the present moment, yourself and the Earth. Especially after drawing in a lot of external energy and emotions, it is important to find an outlet. Otherwise, it could lead to involuntary discharge or an inflated ego. - Creation - Movement, fitness, stretching, dance - Taking a shower (a cold shower can have an even greater effect) - Acupressure like Shakti Mat - Various types of grounding meditation - Spending time in nature - Physical touch and co-regulation
September 4, 2026
3 updates
Turning Shields into Transformers
I've been experimenting a lot with boundaries and energetic shields lately. In fact, I've been into this topic so much that I feel like it became a bit of a negative self-fulfilling prophecy: - A lot of focus on the negative, on what I don't want – instead of what I'd love to feel and take in - A lot of focus on keeping things out because I can't hold them - instead of a more empowered view of myself having the capacity to hold a lot Pia and I have been consuming more content from Byron Katie the last few weeks and we both love the instant transmutation that happens in conversations with her because she fully loves the current reality and takes in any kind of energy in a loving way. Last week this brought me to the idea: What if I don't focus on keeping things out and instead just transform as much as I can into loving energy? Could my shield be turned into a transformer? I'm currently experimenting with these affirmations when creating my shield and it feels really good: I decide where my attention goes. I decide what energy I take in. I am my own refuge.
Energetic Shield
The visualization of an energetic shield helps with stronger energetic boundaries. It can help to visualize energy bouncing off the shield like when something hits a windshield. It can also be helpful to see the shield as a transformer that converts anything that comes through into loving, joyful energy. I decide where my attention goes. I decide what energy I take in. I am my own refuge. This shield is a transformer. It turns anything that comes through into loving, joyful energy. <Image src="/img/2024-04-19-energetic-boundaries.jpg"
Meditation
Meditation is about taking time to slow down, be present, and listen to what's going on inside and around us. Meditation may serve different purposes, for example: - Mindfulness Meditation: A focus on observing thoughts and practicing the ability to notice when the mind is wandering. - Working with the unconscious: Bringing ourselves into a meditative state to uncover what is hidden (shadow work) or to make positive change of patterns and belief systems (light work). Most meditations incorporate some or many of the following practices: - Stillness - Breathing - Visualization - Bringing attention to the body and our senses