The last few years, I focused a lot of my energy on improving how I solve problems and conflicts.
I've become better and better at managing my state, feeling my emotions, going into conflict resolution. It felt really empowering to make progress like this and take responsibility for whatever life throws at me.
However, this can also become a trap where "working on myself" makes up big parts of life. There is always something to solve, always something to process, always something to work on... It's easy to fall for the Arrival Fallacy when constantly thinking in terms of expansion and transformation. At times it felt like spiritual workaholism.
After a stressful period in my life, I asked myself: Is this actually keeping me inside a larger pattern?
After a bit of a breakdown, I decided to focus less on some ideal state in the future. I realized I can bring it into the now by prioritizing joy and lightness in everyday life.
Turns out this isn't as easy as expected. The larger pattern is that parts of me want to stay busy because they're afraid of lightness and joy. I've been working with the Upper Limit Problem for a few years now, but it seems like I didn't understand the full extent of it. I finally started reading The Big Leap and it has been a revelation for me how much I'm sabotaging myself, and how hard it is to hold lightness and contentment for any length of time before a part of me finds something to worry about.
Realizing that many of my problems were self-created came with a great sense of empowerment. I don't have to work on everything. I don't have to put out every fire. Sometimes it's just smoke, meant to keep me busy, and I'd rather put my attention on something more enjoyable.
Now, when I'm worried about something or a problem presents itself, I try to ask myself first: "Where is this coming from?"
I've been surprised how often things come up randomly after I just had a happy thought.