Updates
A chronological view of all updates and changes to tender.garden.
August 24, 2026
2 updates
Future
How much time do we spend thinking about the future, how much of it is based on fear and anxiety, how much of it is based on hope? Do we spend most of our time visualizing a future we don't want, instead of one that's worth working towards? What future do I want to live in and what are the steps that take me there? In my ideal future, how do humans interact with each other? How can I embody this today? Here are a few light work methods to help imagine a better future: - Affirmations and future journaling - Utopianism "I know that we are co-creating the future with each word, each action, and with our attention." – adrienne maree brown in We Will Not Cancel Us "There are a million paths into the future, and many of them can be transformative for the whole."
Patterns
According to estimates, we make at least 90% of our daily decisions unconsciously. This often leads us to repeat patterns we learned at some point (often in childhood). Shadow Work is a practice focused on bringing unconscious patterns into awareness. Breaking these patterns is also referred to as breaking the cycle. Seeing our own patterns can lead to us seeing more patterns in others as well. When this starts to happen more, it can be quite overwhelming. It's OK to see patterns of others. The question is how much we take them personally. When we don't enmesh ourselves in patterns of others and also recognize that we bring our own projections and assumptions, seeing more patterns leads to more compassion instead of frustration. Seeing patterns is only a burden if you take them seriously. The following methods and exercises can help in recognizing patterns: - Written methods, e.g. journaling - Visual methods, e.g. drawing a timeline
July 21, 2026
7 updates
Energetic Shield
The visualization of an energetic shield helps with stronger energetic boundaries. It can help to visualize energy bouncing off the shield like when something hits a windshield. It can also be helpful to see the shield as a transformer that converts anything that comes through into loving, joyful energy. I decide where my attention goes. I decide what energy I take in. I am my own refuge. This shield is a transformer. It turns anything that comes through into loving, joyful energy. <Image src="/img/2024-04-19-energetic-boundaries.jpg"
Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness meditation is perhaps the most common form of meditation. It is about recognizing when the mind has wandered off and then just letting that thought go in a gentle way. These moments feel like waking up from a thought, and this awareness can be trained like a muscle. After doing mindfulness meditation for a while, it is also easier to be aware of your thoughts and mental state in daily life. If you are prone to overthinking, this practice can help a lot to catch these moments earlier and then decide if it's still productive thought. Lift a finger when you notice you've drifted off. This helps remember what this type of meditation is about. To let go of a thought, it helps to visualize it like a thread that can be gently cut or let go of and then floats away.
Consciousness Clouds
The collective human organism consists of a lot of smaller networks of group consciousness. The term Consciousness Clouds helps us become aware of the environment we're currently in and how it affects us. The atmosphere, mental state, worldview, and language differs depending on where we are and who we're with. In different groups and contexts, we take on (and get assigned) different roles. At social gatherings, it can even sometimes feel like entering different clouds of consciousness when walking around and interacting with people. Without proper boundaries, it can be easy to lose ourselves in the cloud we're currently in. We're so enmeshed with the group we're in and the role we play there, that we lose track of the bigger picture of who we are.
Attention
Attention is power. Where do we direct our attention? Who do we give it to? External attention (like feeling desired, admired...) can lead to spiritual ego. It's important to not confuse this type of attention with connection. Attention is a near enemy of love. "What you pay attention to grows." – adrienne maree brown in Emergent Strategy "The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." – ThĂch Nhất Hạnh - Flashlight of Awareness - Gratitude Journaling
Grounding
Grounding means connecting more with the present moment, yourself and the Earth. Especially after drawing in a lot of external energy and emotions, it is important to find an outlet. Otherwise, it could lead to involuntary discharge or an inflated ego. - Creation - Movement, fitness, stretching, dance - Taking a shower (a cold shower can have an even greater effect) - Acupressure like Shakti Mat - Various types of grounding meditation - Spending time in nature - Physical touch and co-regulation
Meditation
Meditation is about taking time to slow down, be present, and listen to what's going on inside and around us. Meditation may serve different purposes, for example: - Mindfulness Meditation: A focus on observing thoughts and practicing the ability to notice when the mind is wandering. - Working with the unconscious: Bringing ourselves into a meditative state to uncover what is hidden (shadow work) or to make positive change of patterns and belief systems (light work). Most meditations incorporate some or many of the following practices: - Stillness - Breathing - Visualization - Bringing attention to the body and our senses
Relationship Anarchy
The term Relationship Anarchy (RA) was coined by Andie Nordgren in an article called The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy. Relationship Anarchy is understood as a philosophy that applies anarchist principles to relationships, which means: - Questioning normativities and rigid relationship categories by defining each relationship through mutual communication. - Recognizing and working on dismantling structual power dynamics that affect the individual relationship (as above so below). Visualization: How do you envision our relationship to look like in the future? What is currently holding us back to live that reality? Calling yourself Relationship Anarchist can be a bit daunting, because people often understand it was being free of any societal rules of expectations. This is why we sometimes use the term Relationship Anarchism instead, which recognizes this philosophy as a process, not a goal.
July 15, 2026
2 updates
Disclosure Pause
The Disclosure Pause is the moment you have to make a decision about how much you are willing to share about yourself in a conversation. It's a juicy, liminal space, often only a split-second where we decide how vulnerable, personal, and deep we want to go. Someone asks you about your plans for tonight, how your weekend was, what your tattoo means. Will the answer be just a vague "oh, nothing much" or a personal story that could feel vulnerable, but also open the door to more connection? Especially for people who have been holding back sharing their inner world because of fear of rejection, practicing awareness of these moments and decisions can be very helpful.
Repair
Repair is the process of rebuilding and deepening trust after rupture has happened. It can involve: - Holding space for the pain - Building compassion for each other and the situation - Apologizing with sincerity - Suggesting ways how to handle situations like this in the future In conflict, we can both work on our individual healing, but without repair our bond isn't strengthened. There is not always capacity for repair, and that's okay. However, how repair was done in past situations is a key factor in how safe we feel in showing ourselves vulnerable now. A commitment to repair not only involves taking responsibility for the pain our behavior has caused. It is also necessary to bring up situations where we were hurt by others, even if we fear feeling rejected and invalidated. - Have my requests for repair been valued and taken seriously?
June 27, 2026
2 updates
Transitions
Moving between activies and meetings in a fast way can lead to carrying over a lot of things. We may think about a task we just finished right before the meeting we currently have, or we may already think about the next meeting when ending the current one. Mindless transition between activities leads to less presence, less being aware of what we want and need right now. It is helpful to do grounding exercises (like meditation) while transitioning between tasks or meetings. To get back within ourselves, calm down a bit, breathe, before we move on to the next thing. This is really important for people who tend to lose themselves in outside energies. Adding proper transitions allows us to always return to a calm center and listen to our intuition. It can also be helpful to have low dopamine periods in times of transition. To not look at our phone and immerse ourselves in externalities right away. We're less affected by these energies when we confront ourselves with them from a calm, centered space.
Anchoring
Anchoring can be a practice, tool or ritual that can bring us into a specific state. This can be helpful when transitioning between activities. For example, es specific scent, drink, mudra or meditation can be used to get us into a productive mindset before starting a task.
June 11, 2026
2 updates
Near Enemy
"In Buddhist philosophy, there is a concept called the “near enemy.” It describes something that closely resembles a virtue, but subtly distorts it. Unlike the “far enemy,” which is easy to spot—cruelty versus compassion, despair versus joy—the near enemy is deceptive. It feels almost like the real thing." – Care in The Question Underneath "Control is often the near enemy of connection. It can look like attentiveness, like devotion, like being deeply invested. But underneath, it is not rooted in love. It is rooted in fear. It is the attempt to secure safety by managing outcomes, by anticipating harm, by tightening your grip on uncertainty." – Care in The Question Underneath
Othering
Othering means focusing on our differences instead of what connects us. Instead of seeing the whole of humanity as an organism with the potential to collaborate with each other, it draws artificial lines between us and them. Othering is the near enemy of belonging. By defining some people as outsiders, we can feel connected the group of insiders. The human need for a sense of belonging to a larger group is often weaponized by propaganda. - Any type of discrimination - A focus on the nuclear family instead of the greater collective and community - Love stories based on "us against the rest of the world" - Finding a common enemy to bring together a group of people