Updates
A chronological view of all updates and changes to tender.garden.
September 3, 2025
5 updates
Grounding
Grounding means connecting more with the present moment, yourself and the Earth. Especially after drawing in a lot of external energy and emotions, it is important to find an outlet. Otherwise, it could lead to involuntary discharge or an inflated ego.
Attachment
Attachment means trying to control things the way they currently are (or our idea of how they should be). The practice of non-attachment means gradually letting go of desire, expectations, and idealization. "Attachment is essentially a refusal to come to terms with change, it’s an attempt to keep things the same or under your power." – Yung Pueblo in What Love Isn't
Low Dopamine Morning
A Low Dopamine Morning is a morning routine that aims to minimize exposure to external stimuli and distractions. This practice is based on the insight that the amount of dopamine released immediately after waking up influences how much dopamine our brain will seek throughout the day. An important part of a Low Dopamine Morning is to avoid checking your phone or other notifications right after getting up.
Book: Ritual
The book Ritual: An Essential Grimoire by Lorri Davis and Damien Echols offers approachable rituals for ceremonial Magick and energy work. - Vacuum Grounding Meditation - Cord Cutting Meditation
Meditation
Meditation is about taking time to slow down, be present, and listen to what's going on inside and around us.
September 1, 2025
7 updates
Golem Effect
The Golem Effect says that negative projection can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we mistrust other people and assume bad intent, this has an effect on how they react towards us. Opposite: Pygmalion Effect When we realize we go into Golem mode, it's good to recognize it without judging ourselves. This is just a reflection of our current internal state. Usually, it helps going into solitude and being present with what comes up. Later, we can then shift our attention using gratitude journaling.
Jealousy
Jealousy can have a profound effect on how we see ourselves and others. It often causes heightened insecurities which can lead to negative projection and the Golem Effect. It can really feel like a demon sometimes, taking over control and shifting the state of consciousness. While jealousy can be a very challenging emotion, we shouldn't blame ourselves for experiencing it. We can take responsibility for how we deal with it, know that it's a learning process, and increase †rust and connection along the way. When alone and feeling jealous, gratitude journaling can be used to shift the attention away from negative projection and practice the Pygmalion Effect. At that moment, we don't have control over what's happening outside, so we can only take responsibility for what's happening inside us. The gratitude could be directed at what we have in our own life (appreciating what we have can lead to feeling less dependent on other people), at our partners (maybe even at them having a good time), and other people involved. Here is also a post with different coping strategies when feeling jealous: When getting back together after moments of jealousy, we're currently experimenting with rituals for (re)connection. These involve meditating together before doing a deep listening session. The goal is to have a container where everyone can securely share what has been coming up. <Image src="/img/2023-08-09-jealousy.jpg" width="1280"
Pygmalion Effect
The Pygmalion Effect says that trust can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we assume good intent and see people with loving eyes, we also get more positive reactions in return. By taking responsibility for our inner state and how we see others, we change how the world interacts with us. ✨ Trust is magic ✨ Opposite: Golem Effect "If you trust the people, they become trustworthy." – adrienne maree brown in Emergent Strategy
Self-fulfilling Prophecy
A self-fulfilling prophecy describes the effect that a prediction or expectation can cause a person to adjust their behavior, which then leads to the prediction to become reality. - Pygmalion Effect and Golem Effect
Book: Emergent Strategy
Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown explores change and organizing with principles inspired by nature and science fiction, especially the writings of Octavia Butler. Learn more about the concept here: Emergent Strategy. "Emergence emphasizes critical connections over critical mass, building authentic relationships, listening with all the senses of the body and the mind." "Emergent strategy is how we intentionally change in ways that grow our capacity to embody the just and liberated worlds we long for." "There are a million paths into the future, and many of them can be transformative for the whole." adrienne maree brown provides the following principles: - Small is good, small is all. (The large is a reflection of the small.) - Change is constant. (Be like water.) - There is always enough time for the right work. - There is a conversation in the room that only these people at this moment can have. Find it.
Emergent Strategy
Emergent strategy is a way of approaching change that draws from nature’s patterns—focusing on adaptability, interconnection, and small actions that ripple into larger transformations. We discovered the term in adrienne maree brown's book Emergent Strategy. "Emergence emphasizes critical connections over critical mass, building authentic relationships, listening with all the senses of the body and the mind." – adrienne maree brown in Emergent Strategy "Emergent strategy is how we intentionally change in ways that grow our capacity to embody the just and liberated worlds we long for." – adrienne maree brown in Emergent Strategy adrienne maree brown provides the following principles: - Small is good, small is all. (The large is a reflection of the small.) - Change is constant. (Be like water.) - There is always enough time for the right work.
Dealing with Jealousy
Here are a few coping strategies I observed when dealing with my own jealousy. There is no „one best way“, which strategy I’m using depends on a lot of circumstances and how much willpower I have in that moment to push through the discomfort. When I’m not in a good state and there are topics that easily trigger me, it is tempting to ignore things, letting your partner know you don’t want to hear about certain topics. While this can be a valid strategy, for me personally, this hasn’t led to more secure relationships in the past because it discourages vulnerability and transparency.
August 28, 2025
3 updates
Deep Listening
Deep Listening is an exercise for sharing and listening with presence and compassion. - Sit in front of each other in a comfortable position. - Set a timer (e.g. for 5 minutes). - Depending on the setting, a prompt can be used to make the sharing a bit easier. For example: How are you arriving today? - One person shares whatever comes to their mind until the time ends. Silence is appreciated. The other person practices deep listening and is encouraged not to say anything during that time. - After the timer goes off, switch roles. It's interesting how it often goes deeper after short moments of silence. The length and the setting of the exercise allows us to practice sitting with the often perceived discomfort of silence and see what's bubbling up without being interrupted. This effect is similar to stream of consciousness writing.
Ritual Design
- Opening the container - Transitions between elements - Closing the container Ideas: - Light a candle - Bow - Start with three deep breaths or a meditation - Find a way to relax and warm up, e.g. through movement, laughing together - Set an intention for the session. Potential visualization prompt: "How do I want to leave this session today?" Take into account the current emotional depth, don't jump too much. On which emotional level are we right now?
Presence
Being in the now. Not moving between past and future times in our head, but being 100% present in the current moment. - Meditation - Creative expression, e.g. drawing - Movement, e.g. dancing - Cutting off outside noise, e.g. through Low Dopamine Mornings - Deep Listening <Image src="/img/presence-depth.jpg" width="1280" height="956"
August 21, 2025
4 updates
Community
How can we make sure that living in community doesn't just stay a romanticized dream or a generic term? How do we want to live together in the future? What are the steps we can take to get there? We believe that community needs a strong foundation of †rust that can only be built over time and through conflict resolution. When talking about community and group dynamics, we sometimes forget that a group consists of many individual connections. Both individual connections as well as the group as a whole need to be nurtured.
Organizing
Building collective power and community care structures.
Article: Hanna Williams on Cancel Culture and Conflict
On her newsletter and in an Instagram video, Hanna Williams shares thoughts on cancel culture and the importance of learning to sit with the discomfort of conflict resolution. Hanna shares how conflict resolution skills are essential for building community: "I see so many people claiming they want to be in community, that they want to feel connected to their network of friends and peers, but who consistently demonstrate that they lack the one skill truly needed to make a community strong: conflict." "Conflict skills geared toward finding resolution, returning to connection, and creating stronger relationships where everyone’s unique perspective is honored and considered." Doing conflict well requires being present with the discomfort of hearing different perspectives: "It brings up a lot of intense feelings. In fact, one of the essential qualities needed to do conflict well is a tolerance for discomfort—a tolerance for high sensation—because it just comes with the territory." "Even in the best relationships, it brings up big emotions and requires a deep capacity to set our shit aside and hear people out. To get out of our own heads and into the hearts of others." She mentions how the intra-movement cancel culture seen in many leftist spaces can be a way to avoid doing the work of learning to do conflict: "And my take is that this obsession with saying and doing the perfect thing—the thing that has infiltrated the political left—is actually a form of conflict avoidance." "So many people on the left approach difficult conversations with one goal: to convert the other person."
Article Series: Because We Need Each Other
"Because We Need Each Other: Conversations on Cancel Culture" is an article series by Erika Sasson, Celia Kutz, Kazu Haga, and Shilpa Jain that was published on The Forge and Convergence. You can access the full series here. Find the article here "This first article shares our origin story. We were all part of a gathering called “Because We Need Each Other,” in which 25 people from across the US came together to grapple with the impacts of a punitive pattern in social change/movement left spaces." The authors share the motivation for the gathering and the importance of improving the ways we collaborate in movement spaces. "Given the profound political moment we are in—with the unraveling of many democratic rights and freedoms—it feels more important than ever to strengthen the ways in which we come together on the left" "Our capacity to mobilize is strengthened by our ability to work through disagreement and come back from conflict." They also share important insights from the gathering: "The key takeaway from our gathering—beyond any discrete action steps—was the power of airing our questions in a trusted environment." "Because we need each other, we understand that we also need worldviews that reflect and commit to wholesome, spiritual practices in our movement spaces. We came together to remember, in the important words of one of our beloved Indigenous elders, that we are all cousins. And that we want to continue treating each other as relatives in our work and communities as we go forward in these times."