Updates
A chronological view of all updates and changes to tender.garden.
July 1, 2025
3 updates
Transparency
People can't read our minds. By sharing what's going on inside of us, we enable other people to understand us better and open up themselves.
Building for Transparency
We want to build tender.garden as a platform that supports our process of learning in public. Instead of showing just the result, we want to share our journey and the mistakes we make along the way. By focusing on taking responsibility for ourselves, by reflecting in the open, we strive to move away from pointing fingers and rather invite anyone interested to join us at eye level. For this, we try to be more transparent in two ways: - Transparent Updates: Being open to changing our minds and updating our content accordingly - Transparent Credit: Acknowledging and sharing who we learned from How do we deal with the situation when we learn something new, maybe even that we made a mistake? How can we change our content, take responsibility, while also making sure that this learning process isn't erased? As a first step, we added an Update History section that can be opened by clicking/tapping the Last updated date on a page. Here is an example how it looks like on the Countdown Meditation page: For bigger changes, we can also link to blog posts explaining the thoughts behind them. We are very grateful for so many hearts and minds that are offering their perspectives in conversations and resources. To show more transparently who we learned from, we just added an Acknowledgments section that can be opened by clicking/tapping the heart icon next to the other authors of a page. Here is an example:
Countdown Meditation
This meditation helps practice single-pointed focus. The goal is to count from 100 to 0 in your head without being distracted. There are different forms of this exercise available. We first discovered it in Psychic Witch, where it is called Preliminary Focus. - Put yourself in a relaxed position - Start with a deep inhale and exhale. You can also say an affirmation before starting, for example, Psychic Witch suggests "When I'm at 0, I will be in the alpha brainwave state of consciousness." - Count from 100 to 0 in your head - When you realize that you got distracted, start at 100 again
June 12, 2025
3 updates
Book: Psychic Witch
Psychic Witch: A Metaphysical Guide to Meditation, Magick & Manifestation is a book by Mat Auryn. - Countdown Meditation (called Preliminary Focus in the book)
Countdown Meditation
This meditation helps practice single-pointed focus. The goal is to count from 100 to 0 in your head without being distracted. There are different forms of this exercise available. We first discovered it in Psychic Witch, where it is called Preliminary Focus. - Put yourself in a relaxed position - Start with a deep inhale and exhale. You can also say an affirmation before starting, for example, Psychic Witch suggests "When I'm at 0, I will be in the alpha brainwave state of consciousness." - Count from 100 to 0 in your head - When you realize that you got distracted, start at 100 again
Meditation
Meditation is about taking time to slow down, be present, and listen to what's going on inside and around us.
June 3, 2025
2 updates
Book: Ritual
The book Ritual: An Essential Grimoire by Lorri Davis and Damien Echols offers approachable rituals for ceremonial Magick and energy work. - Vacuum Grounding Meditation - Cord Cutting Meditation
Podcast: Damien Echols and Lorri Davis on DTFH
Damien Echols and Lorri Davis join Duncan Trussell on the DTFH Podcast on April 2022. They talk about Magick and their book Ritual. Find the episode here. When asked by Duncan about an inspiration for a prayer, Damien responds with the following: "May the divine light descend upon us in order to protect, guide and illuminate us on our journey through life and on the path of High Magick. May it come about in a way that brings harm to none and is for the good of all and in no way let this reverse or bring on us any curse. Amen."
June 2, 2025
9 updates
Book: Paths to God
Paths to God: Living the Bhagavad Gita by Ram Dass is a spiritual guide that bridges Eastern philosophy and Western thought, offering accessible reflections on the Bhagavad Gita for those seeking spiritual depth, personal growth, and a deeper connection to the divine. On finding your way, trusting what draws you, letting go, and staying open to the next step: "It doesn't really matter which next thing you do, because whatever it is, it will become your next teaching. And it isn't the thing you do that matters, anyway–it's who it is that's doing it, where it's coming from in you." "Don't be afraid to change when your intuitive wisdom tells you to. You start a sadhana, and you go into it with total commitment, and you drink deeply of it. But then you begin to experience its limitations for you." "Work with whatever it is that's drawing you at the moment." "At one moment, You'll sit by the river, and you'll look at a rock, and you'll feel its sacredness, and that will take you out of yourself. At another moment, nature won't do it for you, but something else will." "At one moment, one form feels comfortable, right, useful; at another moment, another form. Just keep flowing in and out of the forms. Use them and then drop them. They aren't 'it.' The point isn't to cling to one practice or another, one teacher or another; the point is to use whatever can in this moment open you to living spirit." "We keep thinking that we have to get behind ourselves and push, when all the time we are actually being propelled full speed ahead." On mantra: "The word 'mantra' means 'mind-protecting.' A mantra is something that protects the mind from itself, really, by giving it some fodder other than the thinking process."
Idle Mode
Idle Mode can be a helpful practice when other forms of meditation feel a bit forced and structured. It can help take the pressure off. This practice helps you give yourself permission to do nothing and let your thoughts wander freely. A notebook can assist by allowing you to write down your thoughts and process whatever arises during the experience. In this way, the method is also a form of stream of consciousness writing. - Make yourself comfortable, for example with soothing music and pleasant lighting. Have a notebook and pen ready. - Sit or lie down in a comfortable position and do nothing. Just let your thoughts wander. Stare at the ceiling. - Try to tolerate boredom when it arises. Resist the urge to check your phone. - When thoughts come up, write them down without judging them too much.
Meditation
Meditation is about taking time to slow down, be present, and listen to what's going on inside and around us.
Meditation Break
Somehow, my meditation practice hasn’t been working as well over the past few weeks. I’ve still regularly set a timer for 5-15 minutes and meditated, and I would still say it helps me come back to myself each time. But it no longer had the effect I was used to in the months before. It felt more mechanical; I wasn’t as present anymore. Especially during the 10 days I was sick, I noticed: - More structured exercises involving a lot of visualization felt exhausting and left me drained - The awakening in meditation (realizing I had drifted away) had much less impact and didn’t really help break thought loops On Saturday, I decided: That’s it, no meditation today. To recover better, I committed to looking at screens as little as possible and to not working. No laptop, just occasionally checking notifications on my phone. And it was really nice. I lay on the bed for hours, listened to soothing music in the background, and just stared at the ceiling, letting my thoughts wander. I was simply in idle mode. To avoid getting stuck in mental circles, I had a notebook next to me where I occasionally wrote down a sentence that came to mind. You could actually see it as a kind of stream of consciousness writing. That really helped. I felt like many thoughts just needed permission to flow through my system to be released. The decision to not meditate surprisingly dissolved many thought loops. Afterward, I felt lighter and clearer.
Conflict Update June 2025
Over the past few months, my training as a mediator has led me to dive deep into the topic of conflict resolution. And I had to realize: I thought it would be so simple. When I first discovered the potential of conflict resolution a few years ago and began exploring it more deeply, I truly believed things would only get better from there. I saw how much it helped Pia and me to speak more openly in our relationship. And I thought I could apply that same approach to all my other relationships. This kicked off a painful learning process. I began to understand more clearly that I’m still far from where I want to be. Just because I have theoretical ideas about how to deal with conflict doesn’t mean I can put them into practice. What’s become increasingly clear to me is that every conflict and every relationship is different and comes with its own unique challenges. And that I’m still far from being the kind of communicator I want to be when things get tough. This often led to mutual hurt and feelings of powerlessness. The topic of responsibility has become more and more central to me in recent months.
Lightning Rod
How can we move sensitively and open heartedly through a world where violence is often normalized? The many tensions present in the human organism are often absorbed by sensitive people. This can show up as many small stings that add up and eventually lead to too much pain and overstimulation, for example through: - Unaddressed conflicts - (Passive) aggression - Acceptance of violent structures
Arrival Fallacy
The "Arrival Fallacy" describes the human tendency to believe that we will be happy once we reach a certain goal in the future. Usually, the (conscious or unconscious) thought process goes like this: - "When I finally own a house, I will..." - "When I live in a loving community, I will..." - "When I have enough impact as an activist, I will..." People tend to overestimate the positive effects of reaching goals and underestimate other factors on their happiness and mental health. This is also known as impact bias. Reaching a goal that has been seen as a long awaited final destination can even lead to a sense of emptiness once the initial joy has passed. To overcome this, the previous goal is often replaced with a new one. This can result in a cycle of chasing goal after goal, without questioning what would be needed for fulfillment in the present moment.
Awe Walk
In his book Awe, Dacher Keltner describes an exercise called the awe walk. It is a form of walking meditation with the goal to evoke and deepen the feeling of awe by embracing nature and surroundings. Go on a walk and: - Try to see your surroundings with fresh eyes (feel, hear, smell...), as if you were a child discovering the world for the first time, cultivating a childlike sense of wonder. - Take new paths and expose yourself to new stimuli. If you walk in the same location, make it a goal to discover something new each time, something you haven’t noticed before. We've also had great effects when combining the walk with singing a mantra, especially Om Dzambhala Dzalendhraye Soha. For a study, researchers sent two groups of people on regular walks over the course of eight weeks. One group was assigned to do awe walks, while the control group received no special instructions—they were simply told to walk. In Awe, Keltner highlights three effects observed in the study: - The more often people went on awe walks, the more awe they felt over time. Awe is an emotion that can be cultivated through practice and experienced more deeply with repetition. - The more awe participants experienced, the less anxiety and depression they reported in daily life. They also reported greater life satisfaction. - Participants were asked to take selfies after each walk. Over time, in the awe walk group, their faces became smaller in proportion to their surroundings in the photos, whereas this ratio remained unchanged in the control group.
Stream of Consciousness Writing
The technique stream of consciousness writing helps tap into the unconscious by writing down whatever comes to mind, ideally circumventing the conscious mind. The goal is to focus on just writing without questioning the content that is coming out. This technique can be beneficial for many things, including: - Processing emotions, for example writing about feelings of sadness or anger - Shadow work and communicating with the unconscious - Working on setting intentions and visions, like future journaling There are several things that can help with stream of consciousness writing: - Get into a relaxed state that lets you write without overthinking. For example, a form of meditation or embodiment practice can be used. - Set an intention before you start writing. This can either be part of the meditation or in a step right before writing, for example using prompts. - You can set a timer (e.g. 10 minutes) and try to keep writing until it goes off.
June 1, 2025
2 updates
Book: Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life
This book by Marshall B. Rosenberg describes Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as philosophy and method. Nonviolent Communication is a process with the goal to focus our attention on four pieces of information: "First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life?" "The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation–to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don't like." "Next, we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated?"
Conflict Resolution
From being against each other to being with each other. Successful conflict resolution strengthens trust that future conflicts can also be resolved well.