Updates
A chronological view of all updates and changes to tender.garden.
July 21, 2025
7 updates
Free Palestine
How can we help end the violence Palestinians are facing, putting pressure on our governments to stop enabling the oppression and genocide? Our focus the last 2 years has been mainly on the external: Trying to raise awareness and amplify voices with the goal to have more people stand up and get loud agains the horrors of Israel's actions against the Palestinian people. Because we were socialized in Germany, this means specifically doing the shadow work in recognizing our own Anti-Palestinian and Anti-Arab racism and talking about this with other Germans, especially highlighting the media bias and state repression against Palestine solidarity here in Germany. There is a shift in public perception happening that shows that staying loud works! However, we're still focused a lot on making other people join us instead of trying to work together and organize more effectively. With collective power, we can build more sustainable infrastructure and put pressure on people in power. This is why we want to direct our energy more towards internal work and help empower the resistance, for example with conflict resolution.
Gaza Genocide
While the word genocide was largely being suppressed by Western media until 2025, a growing number of genocide scholars and human rights experts are getting increasingly clear: - The International Association of Genocide Scholars declared that "Israel’s policies and actions in Gaza meet the legal definition of genocide in Article II of the United Nations Convention for the Prevention and Punishment of the Crime of Genocide." - United Nations Special Rapporteur on the situation of human rights in the Palestinian territories occupied since 1967, Francesca Albanese calls Israel a settler-colonial project and highlights corporations who "have profited from Israel’s economy of illegal occupation, apartheid and now, genocide." - Amnesty International concludes "Israel is committing genocide against Palestinians in Gaza." - Human Rights Watch published a report in December 2024 titled "Extermination and Acts of Genocide." - Omer Bartov, professor of Holocaust and genocide studies at Brown University, wrote a piece in NYT called I’m a Genocide Scholar. I Know It When I See It.: "My inescapable conclusion has become that Israel is committing genocide against the Palestinian people. Having grown up in a Zionist home, lived the first half of my life in Israel, served in the I.D.F. as a soldier and officer and spent most of my career researching and writing on war crimes and the Holocaust, this was a painful conclusion to reach, and one that I resisted as long as I could. But I have been teaching classes on genocide for a quarter of a century. I can recognize one when I see one." Israeli military officials told the New York Times that there is no proof that Hamas has been systematically stealing aid that was supposed to go to the people in Gaza. "It's not our fault. Hamas is stealing the food" is a lie that has been used heavily over the last 2 years to justify Israel's deliberate starvation of Palestinians.
Love
"The word 'love' is most often defined as a noun, yet all the more astute theorists of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb." – bell hooks in All About Love "To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility." – bell hooks in All About Love
Article Series: Because We Need Each Other
"Because We Need Each Other: Conversations on Cancel Culture" is an article series by Erika Sasson, Celia Kutz, Kazu Haga, and Shilpa Jain that was published on The Forge and Convergence. You can access the full series here. Find the article here "This first article shares our origin story. We were all part of a gathering called “Because We Need Each Other,” in which 25 people from across the US came together to grapple with the impacts of a punitive pattern in social change/movement left spaces." The authors share the motivation for the gathering and the importance of improving the ways we collaborate in movement spaces. "Given the profound political moment we are in—with the unraveling of many democratic rights and freedoms—it feels more important than ever to strengthen the ways in which we come together on the left" "Our capacity to mobilize is strengthened by our ability to work through disagreement and come back from conflict." They also share important insights from the gathering: "The key takeaway from our gathering—beyond any discrete action steps—was the power of airing our questions in a trusted environment." "Because we need each other, we understand that we also need worldviews that reflect and commit to wholesome, spiritual practices in our movement spaces. We came together to remember, in the important words of one of our beloved Indigenous elders, that we are all cousins. And that we want to continue treating each other as relatives in our work and communities as we go forward in these times."
Spiritual Ego
Spiritual Ego is the phenomenon when spiritual practice and the power that comes with it inflates the ego. "The energy doesn’t lie. It just flows. And if you’re not aware of the structures it’s pouring into, you may be reinforcing the very illusions you’re trying to transcend." – Damien Echols in The Shadow Fed by Light Shadow Work helps integrate these aspects of the self.
Conflict Update June 2025
Over the past few months, my training as a mediator has led me to dive deep into the topic of conflict resolution. And I had to realize: I thought it would be so simple. When I first discovered the potential of conflict resolution a few years ago and began exploring it more deeply, I truly believed things would only get better from there. I saw how much it helped Pia and me to speak more openly in our relationship. And I thought I could apply that same approach to all my other relationships. This kicked off a painful learning process. I began to understand more clearly that I’m still far from where I want to be. Just because I have theoretical ideas about how to deal with conflict doesn’t mean I can put them into practice. What’s become increasingly clear to me is that every conflict and every relationship is different and comes with its own unique challenges. And that I’m still far from being the kind of communicator I want to be when things get tough. This often led to mutual hurt and feelings of powerlessness. The topic of responsibility has become more and more central to me in recent months.
Book: All About Love
All About Love is a popular book by bell hooks. "To open our hearts more fully to love's power and grace we must dare to acknowledge how little we know of love in both theory and practice." "The word 'love' is most often defined as a noun, yet all the more astute theorists of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb." "To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility." "One of the most important social myths we must debunk if we are to become a more loving culture is the one that teaches parents that abuse and neglect can coexist with love." "Lots of people learn how to lie in childhood. Usually they begin to lie to avoid punishment or to avoid disappointing or hurting an adult." "In far too many cases children are punished in circumstances where they respond with honesty to a question posed by an adult authority figure." "When we hear another person's thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, it is more difficult to project on to them our perceptions of who they are." "All awakening to love is spiritual awakening."
July 19, 2025
2 updates
Cancel Culture
We've dismissed the term cancel culture for a long time because we saw it mainly as a way for people who are confronted with making a mistake to evade accountability. What’s often forgotten is that the roots of this practice lie in Black liberation movements, where calling out harmful behavior publicly became a vital way to seek justice outside of systems that fail to protect marginalized communities. Over time, however, the term has been co-opted and repurposed—often by those in power—to deflect criticism. Rather than taking responsibility for the harm that was caused, people often focus on how the injustice is communicated. This shifts the attention away from the root of the issue. We believe it's crucial to listen to people experiencing violence and injustice, no matter how it is delivered. There should always be space for righteous anger. However, recently, we started reflecting on our own behavior, how punishment is ingrained in our culture and how this leads to judgment and finger pointing in cases where more effective conflict resolution could be possible. When we focus too much on outer spheres and neglect the necessary inner work, this can lead to externalization and cancel culture.
Article Series: Because We Need Each Other
"Because We Need Each Other: Conversations on Cancel Culture" is an article series by Erika Sasson, Celia Kutz, Kazu Haga, and Shilpa Jain that was published on The Forge and Convergence. You can access the full series here. Find the article here "This first article shares our origin story. We were all part of a gathering called “Because We Need Each Other,” in which 25 people from across the US came together to grapple with the impacts of a punitive pattern in social change/movement left spaces." The authors share the motivation for the gathering and the importance of improving the ways we collaborate in movement spaces. "Given the profound political moment we are in—with the unraveling of many democratic rights and freedoms—it feels more important than ever to strengthen the ways in which we come together on the left" "Our capacity to mobilize is strengthened by our ability to work through disagreement and come back from conflict." They also share important insights from the gathering: "The key takeaway from our gathering—beyond any discrete action steps—was the power of airing our questions in a trusted environment." "Because we need each other, we understand that we also need worldviews that reflect and commit to wholesome, spiritual practices in our movement spaces. We came together to remember, in the important words of one of our beloved Indigenous elders, that we are all cousins. And that we want to continue treating each other as relatives in our work and communities as we go forward in these times."
July 16, 2025
11 updates
Article: Damien Echols on Spiritual Ego
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Shadow Fed by Light: How Magick Can Inflate the Ego. This phenomenon is often called spiritual ego. "power—real power—doesn’t just amplify the sacred. It amplifies everything" "Magick doesn’t discriminate. It’s not a moral force. It’s a tool. And when you pull in chi, or spiritus, or call down a planetary current, it doesn’t just fill the parts of you that you want to grow. It fills all of you. Every chamber. Every crack." "The energy doesn’t lie. It just flows. And if you’re not aware of the structures it’s pouring into, you may be reinforcing the very illusions you’re trying to transcend." "You’ll notice this in subtle ways at first. A little more self-importance. A sharper edge to your online posts. The creeping belief that you’re further along than others." "No one makes it far in magick without eventually encountering this shadow. And the ones who do make it far? They’re the ones who learn to bow. Not to external gods, but to the Work itself. They understand that the more power you channel, the more responsibility you carry—not just in the world, but within yourself." "That’s why grounding practices—zazen, martial arts, daily service, kaizen—aren’t optional." "And more than anything, that’s why watching yourself is part of the path. Notice your tone. Your impulse to correct. The part of you that feels insulted when someone doesn’t recognize your insight. These aren’t flaws to be ashamed of—they’re signals. They show you where the energy is leaking into ego instead of soul." "The more energy you gather, the more discipline you need to hold it. And not just discipline of action, but discipline of identity. Because if you let the ego grab hold of the power, it’ll hijack the whole operation. You’ll still be practicing. You’ll still be invoking. But you’ll be doing it for the wrong self."
Article: Damien Echols on Spiritual Ego
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Shadow Fed by Light: How Magick Can Inflate the Ego. This phenomenon is often called spiritual ego. "power—real power—doesn’t just amplify the sacred. It amplifies everything" "Magick doesn’t discriminate. It’s not a moral force. It’s a tool. And when you pull in chi, or spiritus, or call down a planetary current, it doesn’t just fill the parts of you that you want to grow. It fills all of you. Every chamber. Every crack." "The energy doesn’t lie. It just flows. And if you’re not aware of the structures it’s pouring into, you may be reinforcing the very illusions you’re trying to transcend." "You’ll notice this in subtle ways at first. A little more self-importance. A sharper edge to your online posts. The creeping belief that you’re further along than others." "No one makes it far in magick without eventually encountering this shadow. And the ones who do make it far? They’re the ones who learn to bow. Not to external gods, but to the Work itself. They understand that the more power you channel, the more responsibility you carry—not just in the world, but within yourself." "That’s why grounding practices—zazen, martial arts, daily service, kaizen—aren’t optional." "And more than anything, that’s why watching yourself is part of the path. Notice your tone. Your impulse to correct. The part of you that feels insulted when someone doesn’t recognize your insight. These aren’t flaws to be ashamed of—they’re signals. They show you where the energy is leaking into ego instead of soul." "The more energy you gather, the more discipline you need to hold it. And not just discipline of action, but discipline of identity. Because if you let the ego grab hold of the power, it’ll hijack the whole operation. You’ll still be practicing. You’ll still be invoking. But you’ll be doing it for the wrong self."
Fear of Judgment
Fear of judgment means we worry about how others perceive us and that we could be evaluated negatively, potentially leading to blame, rejection and punishment.
Fear of Outshining
Fear of outshining is a form of self-sabotage where we actively hold ourselves back in order to not invoke negative emotions in people around us. - Downplaying our own accomplishments, knowledge and skills - Monitoring how much of ourselves we're showing and adjusting our behavior depending on the respective environment - Feeling guilt or shame about success - Feeling anxiety after taking space and sharing something we're passionate about The fear of outshining is often associated with the Upper Limit Problem. The fear of outshining is closely related to fear of punishment and fear of judgment. When we learned earlier in life that we are getting punished for shining (for example by invoking envy in people and then being treated differently), we adjust how much we're showing ourselves depending on the environment. Fear of outshining can also be amplified by our own judgment of others: When we hold certain aspects of ourselves back in front of some people, this could mean that we're under the assumption that we're "better" in that area. What may help: Shadow Work and recognizing that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. Success in one area does not diminish the value of others.
Fear of Punishment
Fear of punishment can slow us down. Instead of taking responsiblity for our mistakes and learning from them, we try to avoid them and act in perfect ways.
Fear
How can we use fear as a catalyst for change instead of something that paralyzes us? - Fear of punishment - Fear of judgment - Fear of outshining
Judgment
Judging ourselves and others is often related to binary thinking of right or wrong, good or bad. As long as we judge ourselves for our mistakes, we also judge others. Fear of judgment is holding us back. "One kind of life-alienating communication is the use of moralistic judgments that imply wrongness or badness on the part of people who don't act in harmony with our values." – Marshall B. Rosenberg in Nonviolent Communication "Blame, insults, put-downs, labels, criticism, comparisons, and diagnoses are all forms of judgment." – Marshall B. Rosenberg in Nonviolent Communication
Punishment
A society that reponds to failures in the form of blame and punishment leads to a high amount of fear of punishment and thus denying mistakes instead of taking responsibility. "It does not surprise me to hear that there is considerably less violence in cultures where people think in terms of human needs than in cultures where people label one another as 'good' or 'bad' and believe that the 'bad' ones deserve to be punished." – Marshall B. Rosenberg in Nonviolent Communication "I believe it is in everyone's interest that people change, not in order to avoid punishment, but because they see the change as benefiting themselves." – Marshall B. Rosenberg in Nonviolent Communication
Article: Damien Echols on the Warrior's Mind
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Warrior’s Mind: Discipline as a Sacred Fire. He uses the image of the warrior to show how everyday discipline is an important skill on the transformational path, including: self-mastery, purpose, emotional resilience, presence, humility, service and integrity, stillness and solitude. "People think warriors are forged in battle. But the truth is, battle only reveals the edge you’ve already sharpened." "I’ve known cages made of concrete and cages made of comfort." "So what defines a true warrior’s mindset? It’s not aggression. It’s not fearlessness. It’s not domination. It’s clarity. Discipline. Presence. Purpose." And it doesn’t just happen. You cultivate it—daily. "Self-mastery isn’t about punishment. It’s about sovereignty. The ability to command your own mind, body, and emotions. To train when you’re tired. To speak with care when you’re angry. To act with honor when no one will ever know." "_You build self-mastery through daily practice:
Blame
In conflicts, we often fall into the mode of wanting to find someone to blame at all costs. It is important to understand what led to the escalation in order to jointly find out what went "wrong" and how to interact better in the future. However, if we focus too much on assigning blame, it can lead to an endless cycle of accusations. Due to (socially learned) fear of punishment, the accused person becomes defensive and denies being at fault. The parties blame each other and do not see themselves in responsibility. It remains an adversarial dynamic, and no one takes a step toward resolution.
Finger Pointing
Why does society so often focus more on the people pointing out problems than on the problems themselves? We want to take responsibility in the following ways: - Separate the problem from how it is communicated: The problem exists, even if the way it is pointed out feels uncomfortable to us at that moment. We wish for affected people to be listened to and for the recognition that, due to their pain, they may not always be in a state to name problems perfectly nonviolently and without anger. We acknowledge that “perfect wording” is emotional labor, which we should not additionally burden people more affected by violence to carry. - Question our own authoritarian behaviors: In our society, there is often a focus on the question of who is at fault, who is to blame. This can lead people to enter a protective mode out of fear of punishment and perceive the expression of emotions as a personal attack or accusation. At the same time, we have ourselves been socialized authoritatively and want to observe this in our own communication. When we have the capacity, we can work on processing our anger and the underlying pain elsewhere to communicate problems more effectively.