"_I tell myselves I struggle with [boundaries](./boundaries) because no one taught me. Because of my intersections. Because of white supremacy. Because of trauma. Because of history. And all of that is true._ And, _it’s_ not _the whole truth._" "_I am tired of my wounds. Not in a_ bypassy _way, not in a “just get over it” way—but in the way that comes when you realize that healing doesn’t only mean tending to pain. It also means losing the identities we’ve built around our wounds._" "_The truth is: **I struggle with [boundaries](./boundaries) a lot because I struggle with intimacy.**_" "_I delayed truth until it hardened into [resentment](./resentment) because resentment felt safer than [vulnerability](./vulnerability). Resentment preserves power without risking rejection._" "_**Over time, I’ve come to understand that [boundaries](./boundaries) are not just about self-protection; they are a direct line to my capacity for [accountability](./accountability)**. When I don’t hold my boundaries, [resentment](./resentment) begins to accumulate._" "_I stay silent. I’m scared to set a boundary because I learned early on that [boundaries](./boundaries) threaten the relationship—and sometimes my safety within it. I learned that it was safer to abandon myself in service of the relationship than to risk the freedom that might exist outside of it._" "_When internal [boundaries](./boundaries) are weak or absent, [resentment](./resentment) becomes the substitute. And resentment is dangerous because it disguises itself as moral clarity while actually being deferred [responsibility](./responsibility). It says,_ you should have known, _when the truth is,_ I didn’t say." "_For me, [resentment](./resentment) is often closer to [jealousy](./jealousy) than to [anger](./anger). It sounds like: “Well, I didn’t say anything when you did X last fall.” What I’m really saying is:_ I cannot hold your boundary because I cannot hold or speak my own." "_When a [boundary](./boundaries) finally appears—but it isn’t mine—the one I should have set months or years ago arrives late, [charged](./lightning-rod), absolute, and often absurd. It’s not a boundary anymore. There is no room for repair then, only [punishment](./punishment) wrapped in layers of defensiveness. [Accountability](./accountability), at that point, can no longer be practiced._" "_When internal [boundaries](./boundaries) are absent, [accountability](./accountability) is experienced as [violence](./violence). Not because it is violent, but because the nervous system has no internal structure to meet it. [Responsibility](./responsibility) feels existentially threatening when there is no prior commitment to one’s own limits._"

Mentions

Resentment

Article: Care on Avoiding Boundaries

Conflict, Responsibility, and Resentment