Updates
A chronological view of all updates and changes to tender.garden.
October 2, 2025
3 updates
Spheres of Responsibility
Spheres of Responsibility is a framework for understanding the different layers of life where we hold responsibility, and how these layers connect and expand outward from the self. Alternative names: Inner Work, Core Taking responsibility in this sphere means becoming conscious of how our inner world has effects on how we show up in the outer world.
Cancel Culture
We've dismissed the term cancel culture for a long time because we saw it mainly as a way for people who are confronted with making a mistake to evade accountability. What’s often forgotten is that the roots of this practice lie in Black liberation movements, where calling out harmful behavior publicly became a vital way to seek justice outside of systems that fail to protect marginalized communities. Over time, however, the term has been co-opted and repurposed—often by those in power—to deflect criticism. Rather than taking responsibility for the harm that was caused, people often focus on how the injustice is communicated. This shifts the attention away from the root of the issue. We believe it's crucial to listen to people experiencing violence and injustice, no matter how it is delivered. There should always be space for righteous anger. However, recently, we started reflecting on our own behavior, how punishment is ingrained in our culture and how this leads to judgment and finger pointing in cases where more effective conflict resolution could be possible. When we focus too much on outer spheres and neglect the necessary inner work, this can lead to externalization and cancel culture.
Responsibility
To us, taking responsibility means recognizing which aspects of life we can control. It means doing the necessary shadow work to understand how our unconscious behavior might affect the people around us, society and the human organism as a whole. It also means leaving space for other people to take responsibility for their own behaviors. We're realizing more and more that we can't make other people take responsibility for collective issues. We can't control anyone and we shouldn't want to.
September 26, 2025
16 updates
Alchemy
Transmutation Solve et coagula "The basic formula for profound alchemical change is solve et coagula, which means: to first utterly dissolve (solve) an existing form and then to carefully bring the dissolved and purified elements together again (coagula) in a whole new, more potent and finely organized, permutation."
Collective Liberation in this Lifetime
Collective Liberation in this lifetime is possible. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy, activated when enough of us dare to believe and are willing to take responsibility for our share of the work. Collective Liberation in this Lifetime is an affirmation that stretches our shared imagination.
Mental State
Our mental state has a lot of power over how we perceive the outer world and what we focus our attention on. Each state is temporary, even though it can sometimes feel like forever. It helps to recognize the current state without judging ourselves. It has helped us to work on the following elements. Each has its own set of practices, which we’ll explore below: - Awareness: Noticing our state. - Acceptance: Sitting with our state. - Shift: Reclaiming agency over our state. Meditation helps us get more aware of our mental state. The "waking up" that we practice during meditation helps us catch patterns and recognize (and control) our state more easily over time. Not trying to change our current state and sitting with the feeling in presence can lead to a big change in how much power we assert to it. Fully accepting and being with our state leads to transmutation. We can use tools to shift our attention away from our current state. However, it's important to recognize it before and not trying to suppress it. - Laughing, e.g. watching something
Golem Effect
The Golem Effect says that negative projection can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we mistrust other people and assume bad intent, this has an effect on how they react towards us. Opposite: Pygmalion Effect When we realize we go into Golem mode, it's good to recognize it without judging ourselves. This is just a reflection of our current internal state. Usually, it helps going into solitude and being present with what comes up. Later, we can then shift our attention using gratitude journaling.
Pygmalion Effect
The Pygmalion Effect says that trust can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. When we assume good intent and see people with loving eyes, we also get more positive reactions in return. By taking responsibility for our inner state and how we see others, we change how the world interacts with us. ✨ Trust is magic ✨ Opposite: Golem Effect "If you trust the people, they become trustworthy." – adrienne maree brown in Emergent Strategy
Book: Polysecure
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern is "the first book to explicitly translate the principles of attachment theory to nonmonogamous relationships." "Again and again, I have experienced the power of love to heal, to bridge, to connect and to awaken, as well as the trauma that ensues in its absence." "In many ways, my life is centered in not just believing in love, but being love. That is, emanating love as best as I can, moment by moment, interaction by interaction." "Attachment theory offers an important–even revolutionary–framework for understanding the biological and psychological necessity of being securely bonded to others." "Many people who practice ethical nonmonogamy (who often proudly describe themselves as relationship geeks) have been drawn to attachment theory as a way to further enhance their general knowledge about relationships." The book first explains the concept of attachment theory, how children look for their caretakers when their nervous system is imbalanced and how receiving support impacts not only their wellbeing, but also their ability to go on independent exploration. "As human infants, we are born into this world with an attachment system that wires us to expect connection with others. The creator of attachment theory, John Bowlby, called this innate expectation the attachment behavioral system and explained that it is one of several behavioral systems that humans evolved to ensure our survival." "As infants, we can't meet any of our needs. So, in order to survive, we have to bond and attach to caretakers who can provide us with food and shelter, as well as meeting our biological and psychological needs for emotional attunement, warm responsiveness and calming physical touch." "When an infant feels fear, distress or discomfort, their attachment system is activated. This prompts them to quickly turn towards their caretakers or use proximity-seeking behaviors such as crying, reaching for, calling out or, later, crawling and following their attachment figure." "If the child receives the support, reassurance and comfort they need from their caretaker, their nervous system then returns to a state of calm homeostasis."
Article: Damien Echols on Embodied Presence
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Sacred Ordinary: Daily Rituals for Embodied Presence. "Most people think of spiritual practice as something separate from ordinary life. Something you do on a cushion, on a mat, in a temple. But the truth is, the most powerful rituals aren’t always found in elaborate ceremonies—they’re found in the seemingly mundane." "In the traditions of internal alchemy and ceremonial magick, we’re trained to build energy, to direct focus, to purify the self. But all that training means nothing if it doesn’t show up in the places that actually make up your life—your mornings, your meals, your movements." "Embodied presence isn’t just an idea. It’s a physical experience. You feel it in your bones. In your breath. In your fingertips. It’s when your awareness sinks from the forehead to the heart, and then even lower—to the gut, the feet, the earth." "It’s the kind of attention that changes the quality of time, because it brings you into alignment with what’s real: this moment." "When you commit to presence, the world responds. Anxiety fades. Clarity increases. People feel safer around you. Opportunities start to find you. Because you’re no longer scattering your energy across a hundred unconscious actions. You’re gathering it, forging it, becoming more than you were the day before." Damien suggests small rituals that can be done to bring awareness to the moment: - Morning Grounding: Start the day with intention - Mindful Sipping: Consume a drink with total attention - Embodied Micro-Walks: Similar to Awe Walks
Article: Damien Echols on the Great Work
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called What is the Great Work?. "The Great Work is the purpose of your life. It’s why you’re here." "The Great Work is the process of remembering who and what you really are, and then living as that." Damien explains the phrase Solve et Coagula: "They represent the stages of breaking down the false self and reassembling the soul around something real." Solve: "In the early stages of the Great Work, everything begins with “solve.” You dissolve your old identities, your illusions, your wounds, and the programming you inherited from culture, family, and trauma." "Not all at once—but slowly, layer by layer." "This stage can feel like death." Coagula: "The second half of the formula is “coagula”—reassembly. Once you’ve burned away the dross, you begin to consciously, deliberately rebuild yourself."
Article: Damien Echols on the Philosopher's Stone
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called What is the Philosopher's Stone?. It is about how The Philosopher’s Stone, a legendary symbol in Western esotericism, is not a physical object. It is presence itself: a crystallized state of conscious awareness in the present moment. Damien writes about how in medieval alchemy, the Philosopher’s Stone was believed to transmute lead into gold, heal all disease, grant immortality, illuminate the soul, and unite all opposites. And then he reveals that the Stone isn't what most people believe: "The Stone isn’t found in a flask or forged in a furnace. The Stone is presence." "It’s what happens when your awareness crystallizes. When your consciousness becomes so rooted in the moment, so refined by practice and discipline, that it no longer breaks apart under pressure. When it stops being scattered across past and future, and settles completely—entirely—into now." Damien goes on to explain how all the believed powers of the Stone are a metaphor for presence. "But here's the truth: you don’t need a laboratory to perform transmutation. You only need attention. Focused, disciplined, unwavering presence." "Sit with your anger without flinching, and it becomes insight. Sit with your grief long enough, and it ripens into compassion.
Affirmations
Affirmations are short, positive statements that help reframe thoughts and reinforce desired beliefs and intentions. By repeating them regularly, we can affect how our consciousness perceives ourselves and the world around us. Since affirmations are typically used to shift thoughts and perceptions toward positive outcomes, they can be seen as a light work technique. - Choose an affirmation that reflects a belief, intention, or quality you want to strengthen - Keep it short, present-tense, and positive (e.g., “I am a source of calm, strength, and hope.”) - Repeat it regularly It is even possible to create a mantra out of your affirmation and repeat it over and over to focus your mind on it even more. Affirmations are not inly relevant on the individual level. We believe it's very important for the collective to use them to envision a better future. May our affirmations be as bold as our imagination allows. Examples:
Finger Pointing
Why does society so often focus more on the people pointing out problems than on the problems themselves? We want to take responsibility in the following ways: - Separate the problem from how it is communicated: The problem exists, even if the way it is pointed out feels uncomfortable to us at that moment. We wish for affected people to be listened to and for the recognition that, due to their pain, they may not always be in a state to name problems perfectly nonviolently and without anger. We acknowledge that “perfect wording” is emotional labor, which we should not additionally burden people more affected by violence to carry. - Question our own authoritarian behaviors: In our society, there is often a focus on the question of who is at fault, who is to blame. This can lead people to enter a protective mode out of fear of punishment and perceive the expression of emotions as a personal attack or accusation. At the same time, we have ourselves been socialized authoritatively and want to observe this in our own communication. When we have the capacity, we can work on processing our anger and the underlying pain elsewhere to communicate problems more effectively.
Lightning Rod
How can we move sensitively and open heartedly through a world where violence is often normalized? The many tensions present in the human organism are often absorbed by sensitive people. This can show up as many small stings that add up and eventually lead to too much pain and overstimulation, for example through: - Unaddressed conflicts - (Passive) aggression - Acceptance of violent structures
Journaling
Journaling can be a helpful practice for recognizing patterns. - Finding the right medium: Try out different methods to see which one presents the least resistance and is most sustainable in the long term. Do I prefer writing by hand in a notebook, typing on my phone or laptop (e.g., using a tool like Obsidian), or does it work better for me to express my thoughts and emotions through drawings or voice memos? - Structured data: It can be helpful to track some things in a more structured way. For example: What was the weather like that day? What did I consume? What rituals did I perform? - Perspective and depth: Your perspective can evolve over time. What might start as "What did I do that day?" (external view) can deepen into "What was on my mind that day?" (internal view). - States of consciousness: Through which different states did I go? How much was I present, how much did I spend in other time states? There are different types of journaling, for example: - Free-form, for example using stream of consciousness writing - Guided, for example using prompts - Focused on a certain topic, for example gratitude journaling
Collective Liberation
"Nobody's free until everybody's free." – Fannie Lou Hamer The term collective liberation describes the notion that everyone suffers under oppressive structures. Contributing to liberation means taking responsibility in different areas of life. For example, it is important to find the right balance in the type of work: - Shadow Work: Actively work on recognizing and dismantling oppressive power structures. - Light Work: Actively work on building a world based on mutual trust and care. "Nobody's free until everybody's free." – Fannie Lou Hamer "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly."
Responsibility
To us, taking responsibility means recognizing which aspects of life we can control. It means doing the necessary shadow work to understand how our unconscious behavior might affect the people around us, society and the human organism as a whole. It also means leaving space for other people to take responsibility for their own behaviors. We're realizing more and more that we can't make other people take responsibility for collective issues. We can't control anyone and we shouldn't want to.