Updates
A chronological view of all updates and changes to tender.garden.
November 12, 2025
2 updates
Article: Care on Political Bypassing
On their Substack newsletter Erotics of Liberation, Care published an article called The wound I can't heal. Care mentions how political bypassing can be used to evade vulnerability. It is part of what we mean with externalization when focusing only on the outer layers of the spheres of responsibility. "Political bypassing happens when we use politics to avoid intimacy. When analysis becomes armor, we end up hiding behind theory instead of showing up in relationship. We name systems (“that’s just patriarchy,” “that’s your conditioning”) instead of naming how we actually feel. It’s similar to spiritual bypassing, where spiritual language or practices are used to sidestep pain or accountability — but in this case, it happens through politics." "Political bypassing replaces vulnerability with ideology —it makes us sound aware while keeping us disconnected." "Accountability became theoretical, and compassion conditional."
Attention
External attention (like feeling desired, admired...) can lead to spiritual ego. It's important to not confuse this type of attention with connection. "What you pay attention to grows." – adrienne maree brown in Emergent Strategy "The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our attention. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers." – ThĂch Nhất Hạnh - Gratitude Journaling - Awe Walk
October 28, 2025
5 updates
Article: Damien Echols on the Bow
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Bow. "The bow signals that you have crossed a threshold, stepping out of ordinary life and into sacred space." "Bowing is one of the first things we learn in martial arts, but it is also one of the last things we ever truly understand. It looks simple enough, just a gesture of lowering your head or bending at the waist. Yet behind it lies centuries of tradition, layers of meaning, and a depth of practice that can change the way we move through the world." "When you bow, you acknowledge that what you are about to do matters." "One of the deepest meanings of the bow is respect. When we bow to the mat, we respect the training ground. When we bow to our instructors, we respect the years they endured to make it possible for us to stand where we stand. When we bow to our partners, we respect the fact that they place their bodies in our hands and trust us not to abuse them." "Carried into daily life, this respect transforms us. When you bow often enough in the dojang, you begin bowing inwardly in other places too. You show respect for the food you eat, the people you encounter, the work you do, even the difficulties you face. Life itself becomes the teacher, and every moment deserves the bow." "Over time, the repetition of bowing works like the repetition of forms, mantras, or prayers. At first, it feels simple. Then it feels redundant. But slowly, something deeper emerges. You realize that the bow is not just a ritual at the beginning and end of practice. It is practice itself." "In this way, bowing becomes a daily act of alchemy. It turns routine into ritual. It transforms ordinary gestures into sacred acknowledgments. It keeps us from falling into the illusion that only certain moments matter. With the bow, every moment becomes practice." "Each bow is an initiation. Each bow is a threshold. Each bow is a chance to dissolve pride, to return to presence, to remember gratitude. Over a lifetime of practice, bowing transforms us…not because of the movement itself, but because of the meaning we bring to it."
Bow
"Dōgen, the great Zen master, once said that when you bow, the entire universe bows with you." – Damien Echols in What is the Great Work?
Ritual Design
- Opening the container - Transitions between elements - Closing the container Ideas: - Light a candle - Bow - Start with three deep breaths or a meditation - Find a way to relax and warm up, e.g. through movement, laughing together - Set an intention for the session. Potential visualization prompt: "How do I want to leave this session today?" Take into account the current emotional depth, don't jump too much. On which emotional level are we right now?
Article: Damien Echols on the Great Work
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called What is the Great Work?. "The Great Work is the purpose of your life. It’s why you’re here." "The Great Work is the process of remembering who and what you really are, and then living as that." Damien explains the phrase Solve et Coagula: "They represent the stages of breaking down the false self and reassembling the soul around something real." Solve: "In the early stages of the Great Work, everything begins with “solve.” You dissolve your old identities, your illusions, your wounds, and the programming you inherited from culture, family, and trauma." "Not all at once—but slowly, layer by layer." "This stage can feel like death." Coagula: "The second half of the formula is “coagula”—reassembly. Once you’ve burned away the dross, you begin to consciously, deliberately rebuild yourself."
Article: Damien Echols on the Warrior's Mind
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Warrior’s Mind: Discipline as a Sacred Fire. He uses the image of the warrior to show how everyday discipline is an important skill on the transformational path, including: self-mastery, purpose, emotional resilience, presence, humility, service and integrity, stillness and solitude. "People think warriors are forged in battle. But the truth is, battle only reveals the edge you’ve already sharpened." "I’ve known cages made of concrete and cages made of comfort." "So what defines a true warrior’s mindset? It’s not aggression. It’s not fearlessness. It’s not domination. It’s clarity. Discipline. Presence. Purpose." And it doesn’t just happen. You cultivate it—daily. "Self-mastery isn’t about punishment. It’s about sovereignty. The ability to command your own mind, body, and emotions. To train when you’re tired. To speak with care when you’re angry. To act with honor when no one will ever know." "_You build self-mastery through daily practice:
October 20, 2025
9 updates
Accountability
Accountability means taking responsibility for the impact our actions have on others and our environment as a whole. It is the practice of being present with the consequences of our choices. It’s not about blame or punishment, but about recognizing with compassion when our conscious and unconscious behavior has caused harm. And then doing the work to reflect and repair, with the intention or rebuilding trust. "Accountability is an act of (self-) love, a commitment to choose relationship over righteousness, courage over comfort." – Care in We Can't Be Abolitionist & Conflict Avoidant
Zine: We Can't Be Abolitionist & Conflict Avoidant
We Can't Be Abolitionist & Conflict Avoidant is a downloadable zine created by Care from Erotics of Liberation. The zine offers reflections on conflict avoidance in relationships and organizing spaces, with practical strategies to move into accountability and generative conflict resolution. "Trauma happens in relationships, and so healing has to happen there, too."
Community
How can we make sure that living in community doesn't just stay a romanticized dream or a generic term? How do we want to live together in the future? What are the steps we can take to get there? We believe that community needs a strong foundation of †rust that can only be built over time and through conflict resolution. When talking about community and group dynamics, we sometimes forget that a group consists of many individual connections. Both individual connections as well as the group as a whole need to be nurtured.
Learning about Cancel Culture
We've dismissed the term cancel culture for a long time because we saw it mainly as a way for people in power to evade accountability when confronted with mistakes. What’s often forgotten is that the roots of this practice lie in Black liberation movements, where calling out harmful behavior publicly became a vital way to seek justice outside of systems that fail to protect marginalized communities. Over time, however, the term has been co-opted and repurposed—often by those in power—to deflect criticism. Rather than taking responsibility for the harm that was caused, people often focus on how the injustice is communicated. This shifts the attention away from the root of the issue. We believe it's crucial to listen to people experiencing violence and injustice, no matter how it is delivered. There should always be space for righteous anger. However, the more we reflected on our own behavior during conflict, we realized there is more going on. We noticed how punishment and fear of punishment–so deeply ingrained in our culture–affects how we show up in our relationships and results in hurt and disconnection in cases where more effective conflict resolution could be possible. We experienced this not only in personal conflicts, but also when trying to help organize for Palestine and collective liberation over the last year. There is a growing number of people in movement spaces highlighting the importance of finding more effective and connective ways of working together. As big believers in the transformative magic of conflict resolution, we feel drawn towards better understanding the underlying dynamics of cancel culture and how they show up in ourselves, our personal relationships, and our movements. We are exploring this as two white Germans. This means we're currently focusing on: - How German socialization affects our conflict behavior - The process of white Germans waking up to being complicit in structural violence - Doing the necessary shadow work to be able to show up in movement spaces in increasingly healthy ways
Love
"The word 'love' is most often defined as a noun, yet all the more astute theorists of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb." – bell hooks in All About Love "To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility." – bell hooks in All About Love
Cancel Culture
We've dismissed the term cancel culture for a long time because we saw it mainly as a way for people who are confronted with making a mistake to evade accountability. What’s often forgotten is that the roots of this practice lie in Black liberation movements, where calling out harmful behavior publicly became a vital way to seek justice outside of systems that fail to protect marginalized communities. Over time, however, the term has been co-opted and repurposed—often by those in power—to deflect criticism. Rather than taking responsibility for the harm that was caused, people often focus on how the injustice is communicated. This shifts the attention away from the root of the issue. We believe it's crucial to listen to people experiencing violence and injustice, no matter how it is delivered. There should always be space for righteous anger. However, recently, we started reflecting on our own behavior, how punishment is ingrained in our culture and how this leads to judgment and finger pointing in cases where more effective conflict resolution could be possible. When we focus too much on outer spheres and neglect the necessary inner work, this can lead to externalization and cancel culture.
Article Series: Because We Need Each Other
"Because We Need Each Other: Conversations on Cancel Culture" is an article series by Erika Sasson, Celia Kutz, Kazu Haga, and Shilpa Jain that was published on The Forge and Convergence. You can access the full series here. Find the article here "This first article shares our origin story. We were all part of a gathering called “Because We Need Each Other,” in which 25 people from across the US came together to grapple with the impacts of a punitive pattern in social change/movement left spaces." The authors share the motivation for the gathering and the importance of improving the ways we collaborate in movement spaces. "Given the profound political moment we are in—with the unraveling of many democratic rights and freedoms—it feels more important than ever to strengthen the ways in which we come together on the left" "Our capacity to mobilize is strengthened by our ability to work through disagreement and come back from conflict." They also share important insights from the gathering: "The key takeaway from our gathering—beyond any discrete action steps—was the power of airing our questions in a trusted environment." "Because we need each other, we understand that we also need worldviews that reflect and commit to wholesome, spiritual practices in our movement spaces. We came together to remember, in the important words of one of our beloved Indigenous elders, that we are all cousins. And that we want to continue treating each other as relatives in our work and communities as we go forward in these times."
Book: All About Love
All About Love is a popular book by bell hooks. "To open our hearts more fully to love's power and grace we must dare to acknowledge how little we know of love in both theory and practice." "The word 'love' is most often defined as a noun, yet all the more astute theorists of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb." "To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility." "One of the most important social myths we must debunk if we are to become a more loving culture is the one that teaches parents that abuse and neglect can coexist with love." "Lots of people learn how to lie in childhood. Usually they begin to lie to avoid punishment or to avoid disappointing or hurting an adult." "In far too many cases children are punished in circumstances where they respond with honesty to a question posed by an adult authority figure." "When we hear another person's thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, it is more difficult to project on to them our perceptions of who they are." "All awakening to love is spiritual awakening."
Responsibility
To us, taking responsibility means recognizing which aspects of life we can truly influence and control. It's a practice of inner alignment and sovereignty. It also means leaving space for other people to take responsibility for their own choices and behaviors. We're realizing more and more that we can't make others act a certain way. We can't control anyone, and we shouldn't want to. Through shadow work, we learn how our unconscious patterns ripple into the collective. Taking responsibility then means practicing accountability when we're confronted with harm we may have caused.
October 15, 2025
2 updates
Article: Damien Echols on Exit Signs
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Exit Sign. "An exit sign inside a burning building is vital. It points to the way out. Without it, you might not know where to turn. But the sign itself is not the exit." "This is how ceremonial magick, and indeed all spiritual systems, function. They are maps. They are language. They are symbols pointing toward something beyond themselves." "The Work begins when you stop worshipping the sign and step through the door." "The truth is that no amount of memorized knowledge will dissolve suffering. No amount of clever theory will heal the heart or free you from the grip of compulsion. You can decorate the prison cell of the mind with all the exit signs you like, it is still a prison until you walk out."
Article: Damien Echols on Focus
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called Focus is your sword. "Focus is not about doing more. It’s about cutting away what does not serve." "When I hear people say they want to be more productive, what I often see is someone trying to sharpen a dull sword by swinging it harder." "True focus is the art of removing what doesn’t belong, until all that’s left is the essential. In alchemy, this is the fire stage—the work of burning away impurities." "You can feel it when you’re bleeding energy—scrolling aimlessly, speaking words that don’t need to be spoken, making half-hearted commitments. Every “yes” to distraction is a “no” to your path." "Writing, martial arts, teaching—none of these are separate in my life. They are facets of the same blade. Each day I hold my choices against that edge. Does this action sharpen me? Or does it dull me?" "Focus means refusing to fight a thousand meaningless battles so you can be ready for the one that truly matters." "And when you walk this Way long enough, you realize something profound: the sharpest blade is not the one that kills distractions, but the one that cuts through illusion. It leaves only presence. Only purpose. Only the next step on the path."