Resources
Books and other resources that we recommend.
Book: Polysecure
Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma and Consensual Nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern is "the first book to explicitly translate the principles of attachment theory to nonmonogamous relationships." "Again and again, I have experienced the power of love to heal, to bridge, to connect and to awaken, as well as the trauma that ensues in its absence." "In many ways, my life is centered in not just believing in love, but being love. That is, emanating love as best as I can, moment by moment, interaction by interaction." "Attachment theory offers an important–even revolutionary–framework for understanding the biological and psychological necessity of being securely bonded to others." "Many people who practice ethical nonmonogamy (who often proudly describe themselves as relationship geeks) have been drawn to attachment theory as a way to further enhance their general knowledge about relationships." The book first explains the concept of attachment theory, how children look for their caretakers when their nervous system is imbalanced and how receiving support impacts not only their wellbeing, but also their ability to go on independent exploration. "As human infants, we are born into this world with an attachment system that wires us to expect connection with others. The creator of attachment theory, John Bowlby, called this innate expectation the attachment behavioral system and explained that it is one of several behavioral systems that humans evolved to ensure our survival." "As infants, we can't meet any of our needs. So, in order to survive, we have to bond and attach to caretakers who can provide us with food and shelter, as well as meeting our biological and psychological needs for emotional attunement, warm responsiveness and calming physical touch." "When an infant feels fear, distress or discomfort, their attachment system is activated. This prompts them to quickly turn towards their caretakers or use proximity-seeking behaviors such as crying, reaching for, calling out or, later, crawling and following their attachment figure." "If the child receives the support, reassurance and comfort they need from their caretaker, their nervous system then returns to a state of calm homeostasis."
Article: Damien Echols on Embodied Presence
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Sacred Ordinary: Daily Rituals for Embodied Presence. "Most people think of spiritual practice as something separate from ordinary life. Something you do on a cushion, on a mat, in a temple. But the truth is, the most powerful rituals aren’t always found in elaborate ceremonies—they’re found in the seemingly mundane." "In the traditions of internal alchemy and ceremonial magick, we’re trained to build energy, to direct focus, to purify the self. But all that training means nothing if it doesn’t show up in the places that actually make up your life—your mornings, your meals, your movements." "Embodied presence isn’t just an idea. It’s a physical experience. You feel it in your bones. In your breath. In your fingertips. It’s when your awareness sinks from the forehead to the heart, and then even lower—to the gut, the feet, the earth." "It’s the kind of attention that changes the quality of time, because it brings you into alignment with what’s real: this moment." "When you commit to presence, the world responds. Anxiety fades. Clarity increases. People feel safer around you. Opportunities start to find you. Because you’re no longer scattering your energy across a hundred unconscious actions. You’re gathering it, forging it, becoming more than you were the day before." Damien suggests small rituals that can be done to bring awareness to the moment: - Morning Grounding: Start the day with intention - Mindful Sipping: Consume a drink with total attention - Embodied Micro-Walks: Similar to Awe Walks
Article: Damien Echols on the Great Work
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called What is the Great Work?. "The Great Work is the purpose of your life. It’s why you’re here." "The Great Work is the process of remembering who and what you really are, and then living as that." Damien explains the phrase Solve et Coagula: "They represent the stages of breaking down the false self and reassembling the soul around something real." Solve: "In the early stages of the Great Work, everything begins with “solve.” You dissolve your old identities, your illusions, your wounds, and the programming you inherited from culture, family, and trauma." "Not all at once—but slowly, layer by layer." "This stage can feel like death." Coagula: "The second half of the formula is “coagula”—reassembly. Once you’ve burned away the dross, you begin to consciously, deliberately rebuild yourself."
Article: Damien Echols on the Philosopher's Stone
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called What is the Philosopher's Stone?. It is about how The Philosopher’s Stone, a legendary symbol in Western esotericism, is not a physical object. It is presence itself: a crystallized state of conscious awareness in the present moment. Damien writes about how in medieval alchemy, the Philosopher’s Stone was believed to transmute lead into gold, heal all disease, grant immortality, illuminate the soul, and unite all opposites. And then he reveals that the Stone isn't what most people believe: "The Stone isn’t found in a flask or forged in a furnace. The Stone is presence." "It’s what happens when your awareness crystallizes. When your consciousness becomes so rooted in the moment, so refined by practice and discipline, that it no longer breaks apart under pressure. When it stops being scattered across past and future, and settles completely—entirely—into now." Damien goes on to explain how all the believed powers of the Stone are a metaphor for presence. "But here's the truth: you don’t need a laboratory to perform transmutation. You only need attention. Focused, disciplined, unwavering presence." "Sit with your anger without flinching, and it becomes insight. Sit with your grief long enough, and it ripens into compassion.
Book: Life Beyond Suffering
The book Life Beyond Suffering: A Guided Practice by Kinzer MB is a 60 day workbook with the following elements for each day: - Guided writing practice - Write down things you're grateful for
Book: Paths to God
Paths to God: Living the Bhagavad Gita by Ram Dass is a spiritual guide that bridges Eastern philosophy and Western thought, offering accessible reflections on the Bhagavad Gita for those seeking spiritual depth, personal growth, and a deeper connection to the divine. On finding your way, trusting what draws you, letting go, and staying open to the next step: "It doesn't really matter which next thing you do, because whatever it is, it will become your next teaching. And it isn't the thing you do that matters, anyway–it's who it is that's doing it, where it's coming from in you." "Don't be afraid to change when your intuitive wisdom tells you to. You start a sadhana, and you go into it with total commitment, and you drink deeply of it. But then you begin to experience its limitations for you." "Work with whatever it is that's drawing you at the moment." "At one moment, You'll sit by the river, and you'll look at a rock, and you'll feel its sacredness, and that will take you out of yourself. At another moment, nature won't do it for you, but something else will." "At one moment, one form feels comfortable, right, useful; at another moment, another form. Just keep flowing in and out of the forms. Use them and then drop them. They aren't 'it.' The point isn't to cling to one practice or another, one teacher or another; the point is to use whatever can in this moment open you to living spirit." "We keep thinking that we have to get behind ourselves and push, when all the time we are actually being propelled full speed ahead." On mantra: "The word 'mantra' means 'mind-protecting.' A mantra is something that protects the mind from itself, really, by giving it some fodder other than the thinking process."
Book: Ritual
The book Ritual: An Essential Grimoire by Lorri Davis and Damien Echols offers approachable rituals for ceremonial Magick and energy work. - Vacuum Grounding Meditation - Cord Cutting Meditation
Book: Emergent Strategy
Emergent Strategy by adrienne maree brown explores change and organizing with principles inspired by nature and science fiction, especially the writings of Octavia Butler. Learn more about the concept here: Emergent Strategy. "Emergence emphasizes critical connections over critical mass, building authentic relationships, listening with all the senses of the body and the mind." "Emergent strategy is how we intentionally change in ways that grow our capacity to embody the just and liberated worlds we long for." "There are a million paths into the future, and many of them can be transformative for the whole." adrienne maree brown provides the following principles: - Small is good, small is all. (The large is a reflection of the small.) - Change is constant. (Be like water.) - There is always enough time for the right work. - There is a conversation in the room that only these people at this moment can have. Find it.
Article: Hanna Williams on Cancel Culture and Conflict
On her newsletter and in an Instagram video, Hanna Williams shares thoughts on cancel culture and the importance of learning to sit with the discomfort of conflict resolution. Hanna shares how conflict resolution skills are essential for building community: "I see so many people claiming they want to be in community, that they want to feel connected to their network of friends and peers, but who consistently demonstrate that they lack the one skill truly needed to make a community strong: conflict." "Conflict skills geared toward finding resolution, returning to connection, and creating stronger relationships where everyone’s unique perspective is honored and considered." Doing conflict well requires being present with the discomfort of hearing different perspectives: "It brings up a lot of intense feelings. In fact, one of the essential qualities needed to do conflict well is a tolerance for discomfort—a tolerance for high sensation—because it just comes with the territory." "Even in the best relationships, it brings up big emotions and requires a deep capacity to set our shit aside and hear people out. To get out of our own heads and into the hearts of others." She mentions how the intra-movement cancel culture seen in many leftist spaces can be a way to avoid doing the work of learning to do conflict: "And my take is that this obsession with saying and doing the perfect thing—the thing that has infiltrated the political left—is actually a form of conflict avoidance." "So many people on the left approach difficult conversations with one goal: to convert the other person."
Article Series: Because We Need Each Other
"Because We Need Each Other: Conversations on Cancel Culture" is an article series by Erika Sasson, Celia Kutz, Kazu Haga, and Shilpa Jain that was published on The Forge and Convergence. You can access the full series here. Find the article here "This first article shares our origin story. We were all part of a gathering called “Because We Need Each Other,” in which 25 people from across the US came together to grapple with the impacts of a punitive pattern in social change/movement left spaces." The authors share the motivation for the gathering and the importance of improving the ways we collaborate in movement spaces. "Given the profound political moment we are in—with the unraveling of many democratic rights and freedoms—it feels more important than ever to strengthen the ways in which we come together on the left" "Our capacity to mobilize is strengthened by our ability to work through disagreement and come back from conflict." They also share important insights from the gathering: "The key takeaway from our gathering—beyond any discrete action steps—was the power of airing our questions in a trusted environment." "Because we need each other, we understand that we also need worldviews that reflect and commit to wholesome, spiritual practices in our movement spaces. We came together to remember, in the important words of one of our beloved Indigenous elders, that we are all cousins. And that we want to continue treating each other as relatives in our work and communities as we go forward in these times."
Book: Connect
"Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends & Colleagues" is a book by Carole Robin and David Bradford based on a Stanford MBA course that the authors teach. Carole and David provide actionable advice and stories about exceptional relationships, which they describe as: "you feel seen, known, and appreciated for who you really are, not an edited version of yourself" "think of exceptional relationships as living, breathing organisms that are always changing, always in need of tending, and always always capable of taking your breath away" "When your interactions with another person are at their most authentic, there is a paradigm shift." - "You can be more fully yourself, and so can the other person" - "Both of you are willing to be vulnerable" - "You trust that self-disclosures will not be used against you" - "You can be honest with each other" - "You deal with conflict productively"
Article: Jessica Daylover on Responsibility Mapping
On the Remodeled Love Patreon, Jessica Daylover writes about the concept Responsibility Mapping. "It’s called Responsibility Mapping—learning to take the right amount of responsibility in a situation. Not more. Not less." In the article, Jes talks about her conflict patterns of taking responsibility. Taking on too much ("pay the whole bill") as a child, then doing the opposite as an adult, ("I centered myself as the victim, martyred myself at every opportunity"), which led to relationship ruptures and her trying to overcorrect again. "If I take more than my share, maybe things will be safer." A therapist among her Instagram followers pointed out the concept Responsibility Mapping, mentioning how this also has an effect on each involved person's opportunity to grow during conflict: "When you take too little responsibility, you rob yourself of growth. When you take too much, you rob someone else of growth." Jes reflects on how she's currently trying to find the right balance, which can also lead to grief when others don't take their share of responsibility: "These days, I’m practicing only paying my portion of the bill. No more, no less. And then sitting in whatever comes next—which is often grief. Grief when others can’t or won’t look at the bill with you. Grief when they don’t come back to the table at all." She also mentions specific challenges as a content creator and the need to have trusted people who are willing to hold you accountable:
Book: Existential Kink
Existential Kink is a shadow integration technique that was popularized by Carolyn Lovewell. In her book Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power a Method for Getting What You Want by Getting Off on What You Don't, she offers a variety of stories and exercises that show how readers can not only learn about and accept, but even embrace their hidden desires. "This book presents a life-altering shadow integration meditative practice that invites us to make conscious the unconscious pleasure that we take in the stuck, painful patterns of our lives. Through consciously enjoying and giving approval to these previously unconscious 'gulity pleasures,' we interrupt and end the stuck patterns so that we can get what we really want in our lives." "As long as we have unconscious (repressed, denied, disowned) enjoyment in some 'bad' thing in our lives, we will keep seeking out that very same 'bad' thing." In the book, Carolyn often references this quote attributed by Carl Jung: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will rule your life and you will call it fate." – Carl Jung As long as we don't accept our hidden patterns, we are going to repeat them over and over again. History repeats itself. In Existential Kink, Carolyn gives many exercises that help with the process of making the unconscious conscious. - Deepest Fear Inventory
Book: Everyday Utopia
Everyday Utopia: In Praise of Radical Alternatives to the Traditional Family Home is a book on Utopianism by Kristen Ghodsee. "By studying the history of social dreams, we can reject the bad bits and keep the good: challenging ourselves to explore alternatives for how we live, love, own our things, choose our families, and raise children." "The German sociologist Karl Mannheim argued that utopia was a necessary antidote to what he considered the normative role of 'ideology,' a term he specifically defined as the unseen but omnipresent social, cultural, and philosophical structure that upholds a particular 'order of things' and protects those who wield political and economic power." "Those who benefit from the way things are have a strong motive for labeling as 'utopian' any ideas that threaten the status quo. But even beyond that, those steeped in the ideology of their current existence cannot imagine an alternative to it. And most of us follow along." "We accept the way things are because we've never known them. Behavioral economists call this the 'status quo bias.' People prefer things to stay the same so they don't have to take responsibility for decisions that might potentially change things for the worse." "This is why utopian visions of how to build a different future often follow moments of great social upheaval. Ordinary people find themselves unmoored from the realities they once believed to be fixed and immutable–the 'order of things' is disturbed." "We have to fight against our own deeply ingrained status quo bias and control the normal defense mechanisms of cynicism and apathy because without social dreaming, progress becomes impossible." "Tell everyone that the future will be radiant and beautiful. Love it, strive toward it, work for it, bring it nearer, transfer into the present as much as you can from it.” – Nikolai Chernyshevsky
Article: Damien Echols on Spiritual Ego
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Shadow Fed by Light: How Magick Can Inflate the Ego. This phenomenon is often called spiritual ego. "power—real power—doesn’t just amplify the sacred. It amplifies everything" "Magick doesn’t discriminate. It’s not a moral force. It’s a tool. And when you pull in chi, or spiritus, or call down a planetary current, it doesn’t just fill the parts of you that you want to grow. It fills all of you. Every chamber. Every crack." "The energy doesn’t lie. It just flows. And if you’re not aware of the structures it’s pouring into, you may be reinforcing the very illusions you’re trying to transcend." "You’ll notice this in subtle ways at first. A little more self-importance. A sharper edge to your online posts. The creeping belief that you’re further along than others." "No one makes it far in magick without eventually encountering this shadow. And the ones who do make it far? They’re the ones who learn to bow. Not to external gods, but to the Work itself. They understand that the more power you channel, the more responsibility you carry—not just in the world, but within yourself." "That’s why grounding practices—zazen, martial arts, daily service, kaizen—aren’t optional." "And more than anything, that’s why watching yourself is part of the path. Notice your tone. Your impulse to correct. The part of you that feels insulted when someone doesn’t recognize your insight. These aren’t flaws to be ashamed of—they’re signals. They show you where the energy is leaking into ego instead of soul." "The more energy you gather, the more discipline you need to hold it. And not just discipline of action, but discipline of identity. Because if you let the ego grab hold of the power, it’ll hijack the whole operation. You’ll still be practicing. You’ll still be invoking. But you’ll be doing it for the wrong self."
Book: Nonviolent Communication - A Language of Life
This book by Marshall B. Rosenberg describes Nonviolent Communication (NVC) as philosophy and method. Nonviolent Communication is a process with the goal to focus our attention on four pieces of information: "First, we observe what is actually happening in a situation: what are we observing others saying or doing that is either enriching or not enriching our life?" "The trick is to be able to articulate this observation without introducing any judgment or evaluation–to simply say what people are doing that we either like or don't like." "Next, we state how we feel when we observe this action: are we hurt, scared, joyful, amused, irritated?"
Report: Repression of Palestine Solidarity in Germany
The report "Repression of Palestine Solidarity in Germany" was published in July 2025. It documents the heavy repression Palestinians and people in solidarity with Palestine face in Germany, especially when protesting against the genocide. "This report aims to analyze the multi-layered repression of Palestinian activism and Palestine solidarity in Germany. It identifies five interrelated arenas through which this repression is enacted: legal repression, state violence and securitization, discursive delegitimization, censorship in the cultural and civic sector, and exclusion within the educational system."
Book: We Will Not Cancel Us
We Will Not Cancel Us: And Other Dreams of Transformative Justice is a book by adrienne maree brown that explores cancel culture within abolitionist movements. "With each of the pieces in this collection, my goal is to bring transformative justice to life within our movement spaces–not as a futurist theory we are demanding from the larger world, but as a practice we are rigorously in with each other as believers, growing the capacity to invite other into." The book starts with a beautiful visualization: "I know that we are co-creating the future with each word, each action, and with our attention." "I can see it–in the short-term we generate small pockets of movement so irresistibly accountable that people who don't even know what a movement is come running towards us" "In my mid-term vision, movements prioritize building the capacity, skill and wide hearts to receive new comrades, while practicing daily and deeply what it means to sustain our relationships and collective visions, uphold our values, and adapt towards purpose." "We get skilled at critique that deepens us, conflict that generates new futures, and healing that changes material conditions." "In the longest term vision I can see, when we [...] inevitably disagree, or cause harm, we will respond not with rejection, exile, or public shaming, but with clear naming of harm; education around intention, impact, and pattern breaking; satisfying apologies and consequences; new agreements and trustworthy boundaries; and lifelong healing resources for all involved." "It is our time and responsibility to try something else."
Article: Damien Echols on the Warrior's Mind
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called The Warrior’s Mind: Discipline as a Sacred Fire. He uses the image of the warrior to show how everyday discipline is an important skill on the transformational path, including: self-mastery, purpose, emotional resilience, presence, humility, service and integrity, stillness and solitude. "People think warriors are forged in battle. But the truth is, battle only reveals the edge you’ve already sharpened." "I’ve known cages made of concrete and cages made of comfort." "So what defines a true warrior’s mindset? It’s not aggression. It’s not fearlessness. It’s not domination. It’s clarity. Discipline. Presence. Purpose." And it doesn’t just happen. You cultivate it—daily. "Self-mastery isn’t about punishment. It’s about sovereignty. The ability to command your own mind, body, and emotions. To train when you’re tired. To speak with care when you’re angry. To act with honor when no one will ever know." "_You build self-mastery through daily practice:
Article: Damien Echols on Sovereignty
On his Patreon, Damien Echols published an article called Sovereignty. It's about kingship as a metaphor for power from within, not power over others. "Kingship, in its esoteric sense, doesn’t mean power over others. It means sovereignty—mastery over the inner kingdom. A true king has conquered not the world, but the self." "The crown isn’t given. It’s earned through sacrifice, discipline, and transmutation. That’s why kingship is always preceded by the Work. You don’t get to wear the crown without walking through the fire." "Even in the Bible, when Jesus is accused of claiming to be king, it wasn’t just a political accusation—it was a metaphysical one. They feared not a rebellion, but a man whose inner authority made him immune to the control of external structures. He was sovereign in a way that threatened all systems built on fear and dependence." "In magick, we talk about “becoming king of your realm.” That doesn’t mean egoic dominion—it means taking full responsibility for your energy, your thoughts, your actions, your path." "No more blaming others. No more waiting to be rescued. No more serving false masters—whether internal or external. The true king serves the divine spark within, and nothing else."
Article: What Love Isn't by Yung Pueblo
In What Love Isn't, Yung Pueblo writes about attachment being the "greatest enemy of love". "The greatest enemy of love is attachment. Why? Because it tries to disguise itself as love. There is a similarity between closeness and clinging that easily confuses the mind." "a fear of loss or craving to control creates the type of clinging that tries to grasp another person with tension" "Attachment is essentially a refusal to come to terms with change, it’s an attempt to keep things the same or under your power." "Love is meant to be grounded in freedom. Attachment is an opposing force to freedom; it tries to keep things the same, while freedom understands that change is ultimately good." "Attachment will create images in your mind of what you crave the most and it will direct your energy into creating and maintaining them in the external world." "We can end up “falling in love” with the idea we have of someone and whenever the reality of that person deviates from the image we have of them in our mind, we fear the dissonance and fight against it." "Attachment will ask our loved ones to stay the same, but this is impossible when the river of existence constantly flows forward."
Book: All About Love
All About Love is a popular book by bell hooks. "To open our hearts more fully to love's power and grace we must dare to acknowledge how little we know of love in both theory and practice." "The word 'love' is most often defined as a noun, yet all the more astute theorists of love acknowledge that we would all love better if we used it as a verb." "To begin by always thinking of love as an action rather than a feeling is one way in which anyone using the word in this manner automatically assumes accountability and responsibility." "One of the most important social myths we must debunk if we are to become a more loving culture is the one that teaches parents that abuse and neglect can coexist with love." "Lots of people learn how to lie in childhood. Usually they begin to lie to avoid punishment or to avoid disappointing or hurting an adult." "In far too many cases children are punished in circumstances where they respond with honesty to a question posed by an adult authority figure." "When we hear another person's thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, it is more difficult to project on to them our perceptions of who they are." "All awakening to love is spiritual awakening."
Book: Die Freiheit, allein zu sein (The Freedom to Be Alone)
Die Freiheit, allein zu sein: Eine Ermutigung is a German book by Sarah Diehl that explores the concept of solitude from a female perspective. Quotes on this page are freely translated from the German version of the book. "Solitude is not (just) the absence of someone or something else, but the presence of my undisturbed perception." "The single generation we look at so anxiously arises because people break away from old concepts like the nuclear family but still have to find their way into new concepts of communal living. This is made more difficult when they are still measured against old patterns and when laws and moral ideas, e.g., about who can be family and how, hold us back."
Book: Psychic Witch
Psychic Witch: A Metaphysical Guide to Meditation, Magick & Manifestation is a book by Mat Auryn. - Countdown Meditation (called Preliminary Focus in the book)
Podcast: Damien Echols and Lorri Davis on DTFH
Damien Echols and Lorri Davis join Duncan Trussell on the DTFH Podcast on April 2022. They talk about Magick and their book Ritual. Find the episode here. When asked by Duncan about an inspiration for a prayer, Damien responds with the following: "May the divine light descend upon us in order to protect, guide and illuminate us on our journey through life and on the path of High Magick. May it come about in a way that brings harm to none and is for the good of all and in no way let this reverse or bring on us any curse. Amen."
Book: Awe
This book by Dacher Keltner is all about awe. He describes this feeling as a consciousness-expanding experience: "Vastness can be challenging, unsettling, and destabilizing. In evoking awe, it reveals that our current knowledge is not up to the task of making sense of what we have encountered. And so, in awe, we go in search of new forms of understanding."